My father has a chavrusa who is a source of amusement to MP and I. My father insists that he is one of the most brilliant people he has ever met. Mind you, my father is an extreme genius, who works in an intellectual field and thus deals with some seriously brilliant people. So trust me, when my father says someone is smart, they are.
Why do we find this man amusing? Well, it's because he is a 22 year old belzer chassid.
And he has 2 kids.
No, that wasn't a typo. He got married at the age of 19, and now, three years later, he has 2 kids. It's a little weirder when you put into perspective. He is the same age as MP! (And naturally he is a lot more worried about our respective states of single hood than my father is.)
Something he told my father recently made me really laugh though. He told my father the following joke. Belz considers themselves to be a very open minded chasidus, as opposed to Skvere (New Square), which apparently, is considered quite the opposite. So he said:
"In New Square, they get married so young, when a couple has shalom bayis problems they come and give them each a lolly pop."
LOL?
Yeah, it's especially amusing coming from a guy who got married at 19, huh?
It got me thinking...to me, this man is pretty extreme. He got married really young. To him, I'm a spinster with absolutely no hope of ever getting a semi-decent shidduch as a result of my age. And a guy (bucher;) from new square who gets married at 18 is extreme, getting married so young.
Isn't this the way it always goes in life? Like they say about driving: "everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, and everyone who drives faster is a maniac."
16 comments:
Isn't there a similar quote about being frum: Everyone who is more machmir than you is a krum frummack, and everyone who is less is an apikorus...
But seriously- it all depends on the community and social scene one grows up in. If we lived in the times of the Gemara, we might all have been betrothed at 3 by our fathers.
I know of a Chassidishe boy who desperately wanted his braces off for the wedding photos....
Kinda like my boys at their bar mitzvahs ;)
NMF- sure, like I said, I think it goes like this with life in general...
G6- LOL. It's like the joke that they asked a chasidish rebbe who should get the more chashuv aliya- the bar mitzvah boy or the chosson. He replied... Whoever is older. ;)
oy vey, that's funny!
I actually wrote about my "sqver" wedding experience, I think I may have showed it to you before.
my cousins got married at 19 too, I'm not sure what type of chassidus they are. Rachmaskarif? or something like that. But I remember they have long engagements, my cousin got engaged at 18 and the girl was 17, but they got married when he was 19.
But yea everything is relative. In the outside world 25 is normal marriageable age, and 21 would be young.
But they say it's smarter to get married young, the reasons why the Chassidish people do this, is because this way you get to really grow and develop together, you haven't become so much an individual yet, so you can be molded to change better.
It makes sense to "grow together," in theory... but then when do you get to develop a personality of your own? Or is that a bad thing?!
JSB- even with the super long engagements they are still way ahead of me. I know a girl who was engaged at 16, married at 17, a mother at 18. She is a year younger than me and her kid is almost a year. But then again she doesn't walk on the street together with her husband, she eats only about 1 hechsher, and lots of other minhagim. Oh, and she looks like she is 30, cuz that's what tichels do to you.
And the growing together thing is also scary. I know a chassidish girl who married a chasidish boy. They were going in opposite directions, and unfortunately she pulled him down with her, rather than the other way round.
CDC- I dunno. I'd venture to say that it could work, if the two are headed in the same direction. But again, I just don't know. I am (gasp) 20 and single, and working hard on growing till MBB comes along.
It's actually better to work on developing yourself before you get married. And, marrying before twenty is kinda risky b/c you just dont have the maturity that comes with age to be married.
you fot the driving saying right.
"everyone who drives slower than you is an idiot, and everyone who drives faster is a maniac." um, aren't you doing this now?
It's says in perek shmoneh esreh lchupah...
Anon- I kind if disagree on that point. I see some girls who only mature after their weddings. And I see some people who never really mature...
MIM- as opposed to?
Insp- oh I am not saying he got married to early. I was more trying to bring out a point in general. And I am a couple years late on that.... ;)
FRUM =
Everyone to one side is Fanatically Religious
Everyone to the other side is Modern
and U in the middle, the perfect balance
Thinking- I was trying to make that basic point, but I consider myself successful if I got it across without actually saying it. :-p
Cacti Don't Cry: I think inherently 2 people have different personalities. Take for example siblings who live together since they are born, they still grow up to be different individuals. SO even if people marry young, they can develop into their own individual. The only part that they grow together in, is their path. They have different ways of getting to where their going.
Something Different: yea, so there are the upsides and downsides to everything. With every lifestyle comes different ways of doing things.
Yea, they say a wife can make or break the house.
JSB- yep. And each one is so foreign to everyone else's, huh?
Something Different: well I suppose there is a common base, after all we are all Jewish, brothers and sisters.
JSB- but that makes it a little sad that we are not only so different, but we look strangely at each other. :-/
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