Monday, April 4, 2011

Weddings and Pity- a Terrible Combination

It's no secret that I hate weddings. I won't enumerate the various things I dislike about them; I've done that many times in the past. (Sorry, no links. I'm writing this on my iPhone.)

Tonight's wedding is worse than usual though. You may think I'm referring to lack of familiar faces I anticipate seeing, but you are mistaken. I hate weddings at which I don't know people, but that isn't the real problem.

If you were, however, thinking that the Choson is youger than me, causing me to dread this wedding, you are partially correct.

You're correct in assuming that it's because of the age difference between myself and the (very young) Choson and Kallah that will make this wedding worse than average, but the problem, as a matter of fact, is you.

Well, ok, not just you- that would be pretty silly. I don't know you. I don't know most of the people who think it should be torturous for me, but nonetheless, they are the collective problem.

If you've been reading this blog for a while, I'm pretty sure it won't come as a shock to you that I hate pity. Be it from high school girls who think I'm ancient, Nosey Shadchanim who had three kids when they were my age, or Chizuk Ladies who understand that I'm not getting any younger, pity makes me sick- any way you slice it.

And a night like tonight is a pity party for interested parties. (I'm starting to confuse myself now.) Doesn't it stand to reason that my feelings tonight should be a mixture of resentment, jealousy and sadness? Oh, wait, they aren't. Right now I feel a lot of boredom and just a wee bit of impatience.

"But even the- gasp- Choson is younger than you!" you may exclaim. Yep. And nothing I was looking for in a boy. Why should it bother me?

But thanks to the wonderous efforts of the annoying people I know, tonight will be a tedious blur of "im yirtzeh Hashem by you"s.

What's not to dread?


QED said...

I have to ask, how old are you?

Mystery Woman said...

My niece, who is 2 years younger than my daughter, got engaged at the tender age of 18. On the way to her vort, my daughter said...I hope no one is going to feel sorry for me, cuz I don't feel sorry for myself.
People can make you feel uncomfortable if you're older than the chosson or kallah, but I still think that 'im yirtzeh Hashem by you' is a bracha, and should be accepted as such.

Princess Lea said...

When I hear of a wedding of couple (whether they be younger, older, or just the right age), I try not to take it personally. I make a point not to begrudge their happiness because of the rut that I am currently in.

No one that I know, unless they are tucked into bed with the flu, likes pity. "You see her, the nebach? 25, and single." Yes, all the nebachs raise your hands.

Those who get joy from another's misery (and being single is not even being miserable!) cannot be dodged. They always find you. In shul, in the supermarket, next door, they lie in wait so they can make their day go a little smoother.

So I go to weddings, and I enjoy the chuppah. And sometimes there is a well-wisher who says just the right thing.

Paragon of Virtue said...

I don't get it- if you don't know anyone there, why will they be IYHing you?

frumcollegegirl said...

if you didn't know anyone there why did you go? better yet, why were you invited?