Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Top Ten Dear Blank Letters

The idea for this post has been floating around the outer recesses of my mind even before I discovered Dear Blank Please Blank. (No link because I'm on my iPhone, and more important because I'm not going to endorse the contents of this very funny but not always 100% kosher site.) I haven't done a Top Ten Tuesday in ages, and so I finally sat down to do this one. As funny as that site is, I don't think they would accept submissions related to Shul, yom tov, and shidduchim.

So here are mine. Enjoy, then add yours in the comments!

10) Dear Married friend trying to set me up with a loser,

Oh, how I wish you were still single so I could say "if he's so great, why don't YOU date him?"

Sincerely, single, not desperate.

9) Dear Brother-In-Law,

No offense or anything, but I hate when you come. I feel like I'm under bedroom arrest once my PJ's go on.

Sincerely, your wife's sister.

8) Dear Lady who davens in a loud stage whisper in shul,

Thanks for letting me know where they're up to, without having to embarrass myself and ask.

Sincerely, got here late.

7) Dear Robe Store Owners,

I asked you if you have this in the next size up, but you don't have to scream that across the hoards of pre-yom tov shoppers.

Sincerely, that's not my real size- it runs small!

6) Dear Shadchanim,

When I say "he doesn't sound right for me" and you say "no but he's perfect for you," please realize that I've known me at least twenty years longer than you have.

Sincerely, not gonna happen.

5) Dear Shower,

Oh, how I've missed you.

Sincerely, Motzei three day yom tov.

4) Dear Former high school classmate whom I haven't spoken to in years,

Just because we bump into each other in the grocery store, doesn't mean we have anything to talk about.

Sincerely, next time let's just nod politely.

3) Dear Frum world,

Yep, I wear my hair in a pony, even to weddings and on shabbos, I'm not a teacher, therapist or accountant, and I think for myself.

Sincerely, yes, I still think I'll get married.

2) Dear Erev yom tov shoppers,

There's no need to push. Contrary to popular belief, the world won't end if you don't get that last article of clothing or ingredients for one more kugel.

Sincerely, ouch, you stepped on my toe!

1) Dear Week before pesach,

I really don't like you.

Sincerely, overworked with nothing to eat.


Brochi said...

Totally cool Top 10. Like!

Frayda said...

My favorite is number 1. I am sooo feeling it!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this, best thing I've read in ages. Except number 5 - I can't believe you last that long without a shower. You know you are allowed to take a cold shower on yom tov. I'd rather that than nothing.

frumcollegegirl said...

i love that website!

and yours are pretty impressive too

Sefardi Gal said...

Funny list!

Dear ex-shidduch's fiance,
Mazal tov!
Good luck. His mom is nuts.

Dear Pharaoh & Mitzrim,
was that swim as dry for you as it was for us?
Oh wait.
shouldn't have chase us.

Dear Shadchan,
no thank you. I'm not interested.

I will not go out with him again. I said no.

Okay fine.
you have an enchanting spell on people, don't you?

Dear bachur,
ooooh you're cute.

Oh...so is your wife.
wear a wedding band!

Single on the Scene said...

BoSD-luv this post (especially since I recently got hooked on the Dear Blank site) and each one of your top tens-couldn't agree with you more :)

Princess Lea said...

Nothing like being hijacked at a shalosh seudos table with a couple of strangers, everyone harassing you to go out with this great guy. They won't, but you should.

I went out with him, shadchan. I managed to survive the date. Don't push it.

I love my pony. I think a high ponytail is one of the sharpest looks out there. Also, my hair is so thick that many mistake it for a sheitel ("How many kids do you have?") that keeping it in a pony is actually better for shidduchim (snort).

I am amazed how so many people get frantic right before Shabbos, never mind Pesach, over having every single thing they can possibly want over the next 25 hours. Let something go. You'll be able to handle it.

But the cold water showers are not so clear cut. My father's minhag is not to bathe at all. Plus there's issues of schita . . . I'm a big fan of perfume.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister-in-Law:

I hate when we are by your house also. Please feel free to tell your sister that we should stay home.

Remember I am not your brother and you need to dress tznius in front of me.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I really needed that laugh.

Alyssa said...

I LOVE this! It's hysterical!

Dear Hashem,
It's not funny. Stop laughing.
Caught in the rain, soaked, and now I have to sit through a 75 minute lecture in a freezing room with no sweater.