The idea for this post has been floating around the outer recesses of my mind even before I discovered Dear Blank Please Blank. (No link because I'm on my iPhone, and more important because I'm not going to endorse the contents of this very funny but not always 100% kosher site.) I haven't done a Top Ten Tuesday in ages, and so I finally sat down to do this one. As funny as that site is, I don't think they would accept submissions related to Shul, yom tov, and shidduchim.
So here are mine. Enjoy, then add yours in the comments!
10) Dear Married friend trying to set me up with a loser,
Oh, how I wish you were still single so I could say "if he's so great, why don't YOU date him?"
Sincerely, single, not desperate.
9) Dear Brother-In-Law,
No offense or anything, but I hate when you come. I feel like I'm under bedroom arrest once my PJ's go on.
Sincerely, your wife's sister.
8) Dear Lady who davens in a loud stage whisper in shul,
Thanks for letting me know where they're up to, without having to embarrass myself and ask.
Sincerely, got here late.
7) Dear Robe Store Owners,
I asked you if you have this in the next size up, but you don't have to scream that across the hoards of pre-yom tov shoppers.
Sincerely, that's not my real size- it runs small!
6) Dear Shadchanim,
When I say "he doesn't sound right for me" and you say "no but he's perfect for you," please realize that I've known me at least twenty years longer than you have.
Sincerely, not gonna happen.
5) Dear Shower,
Oh, how I've missed you.
Sincerely, Motzei three day yom tov.
4) Dear Former high school classmate whom I haven't spoken to in years,
Just because we bump into each other in the grocery store, doesn't mean we have anything to talk about.
Sincerely, next time let's just nod politely.
3) Dear Frum world,
Yep, I wear my hair in a pony, even to weddings and on shabbos, I'm not a teacher, therapist or accountant, and I think for myself.
Sincerely, yes, I still think I'll get married.
2) Dear Erev yom tov shoppers,
There's no need to push. Contrary to popular belief, the world won't end if you don't get that last article of clothing or ingredients for one more kugel.
Sincerely, ouch, you stepped on my toe!
1) Dear Week before pesach,
I really don't like you.
Sincerely, overworked with nothing to eat.