Sunday, January 25, 2009

The other meaning of TBB

This story happened to the proverbial Best Boy in the yeshivah. The shiduch crisis being what it is, he was constantly being set up. Date after date, girl after girl...yet he wasn't engaged. He kept saying no, on the grounds that the girl wasn't good enough for him, wasn't worthy of being Rebbetzin Best. His parents were very worried, and called his Rosh Yeshivah to discuss the problem. His Rosh Yeshivah promised to talk to him.
The next day, The Best Boy was called into his Rosh Yeshiva's office for a talk.

RY: I'm concerned that you seem to be having a hard time in shiduchim
TBB: I know, it's so hard to find a girl who is good enough for me.
RY: I have an idea that might help. I want you to take a few months off from shiduchim. Instead, I want you to learn mussar, work on your anivus, and hopefully you will have an easier time finding a girl who is worthy of you.

So, being the excellent masmid that he was, he set up a rigorous schedule of mussar learning (bein hasedarim of course). He learned chovos halevavos and mesilas yesharim and every other kind of mussar Sefer there is. Six months later, it was a humbled boy who walked into his Rosh Yeshiva's office to say that he is ready to begin dating again.
A number of girls, and an equal number of "no's" later, the exasperated Rosh Yeshiva called The Best Boy into his office.
RY: I don't understand what's going on? I thought that after you learned all this mussar you would have an easier time finding a girl who is worthy if you! Why do you keep turning these fine girls down?
TBB: I'm having an even harder time finding a girl who is worthy of me, now that I am also the biggest anav in the yeshivah!

Obviously, this story is a joke. I like to think that it didn't happen. But, there is some truth to every joke. The truth of this joke is that there is not simply the best boy in the yeshiva. He is The. Best. Boy. And he knows it.
And therefore, I wouldn't date him.
Imagine, The Best Boy goes out with a girl, then, on the third date, he finds out that she has diabetes. WHAT? HIM, The Best Boy in the yeshivah was forced to spend a couple of evenings together with a less than perfect girl?
But that's a minor part of my reasoning. Now, I am not trying to deepen the shiduch crisis by deterring girls from going out with The Best Boy, but I don't think I would want to marry such a boy. Imagine trying to live up to it: The Wife Of The Best Boy. Ugh. I wouldn't want to deal with that.
So, to quote a friend of mine (I hope you are reading this and give yourself credit ;) "let's leave The Best Boy for other, worthier girls"

Couldn't have said it better myself. :)


Anonymous said...

:) cute one, SD.

but seriously, who wouldn't want to marry The Best Boy with all the maalos and good qualities and who is a talmud chocham. Of course (unlike in your story) TBB would have real anivus (humility) and not think he's the greatest guy who ever walked the planet. I would want to marry him. why wouldn't you?

Something Different said...

I want a guy with amazing middos and a guy who is a Talmud chacham but I am ok with a human, not a perfect TBB.
It's ok if he has seen a little of life, grew from it....
Does that make sense?

Anonymous said...

that definitely makes sense!
there's always that discussion of who's greater: a person who was born great or someone who worked on himself and became great over time.
you're saying that you would want a guy who became great by working on himself and his middos.
it's a hard decision, for me at least.

Anonymous said...

i agree with tembow on this one- of course i want to marry the best boy- BUT it has to be someone i consider the best boy and not someone who is the best boy because the rest of the world thinks so.

EsPes said...

TTB doesnt think hes the BEST... otherwise hes not really the best then

halfshared said...

And let's save you for better, worthier boys, okay?

Something Different said...

Tem: ok, I hear you. I would take aquired greatness over born greatness. What is born greatness anyway?
Remember, "B'makom sheba'al teshuva omeid, ein tzadikim gemurim yecholim la'amod." Not exactly the same, but its' that idea.

Anon-then we agree. Like I told that same friend: Every boy is the best boy-best for someone else.
I intend to marry the best boy, but that is different from The Best Boy. Do you get me now?

EsPes: Of course not. But that is what diffrentiates The Best Boy from MY best boy. Not to knock them, but as anivusdik as they are they KNOW that there are girls lining up to go out with them.

Halfshared: :-D You made me smile with that. Thanks....please tell the shadchanim!

Mikeinmidwood said...

I believe when you meant The Best Boy, you meant someone who everyone thinks is the best, and not always is he.

tembow said...

SD: that's exactly what i was thinking of... :p

*name* said...

Agreed, I wouldn't want "the best." Question for you though - you make others out to be shallow for turning down a girl with diabetes. But would you go out with a boy with autism, if he worked on it and it didn't affect his life all that much? Or is that already too much?

Or do you "already know" about autism, and "there's no way someone like that can lead a normal life"?

I'm curious about how open-minded you truly are.

tembow said...

ive tagged you!

Inspired said...

Best boys are great for best girls:) Seriously, I don't believe that there is a perfect human being in this world. Every person has their own maalos and chisronas. What is best for you might not be best for me.

nmf #7 said...

But the BB wouldn't consider himself the BB, as he would be too humble to admit it.
And- how can there be only one BB? There are so many different ways of being 'The Best'.
I say- pick the BB for you. Not the BB in whatever sphere he's in.

halfshared said...

By the way, I feel like I'm the only one here who doesn't want the best boy in the Yeshiva. I'm not perfect, I'm not the best, so why should I expect it? And Like SD said, I want to marry a human... Best in the Middos department, yes...everything else, time will tell.

Something Different said...

Ok, wow. I didn't realize this would be so contriversial.

MIM-I am not so sure. I really do mean The Best Boy. He has truly excellent middos, he is an outstanding talmid chacham...he really is The Best. The question is: is he worth it?

Tem: cool. :-p

name: Firstly, I don't think someone is shallow for turning down a person with diabetes. I think they are shallow for rejecting the whole thing without giving it any thought, saying they are "too perfect" to consider a shiduch with someone who is less than perfect. If they look into it, and see that the person with diabetes doesn't take care of themself properly, or for some other reason they feel it is not for them-that is their right and I don't call that shallow.
About the autistic- I would look into it, speak to people...I don't think I would reject it right off the bat. I honestly and truly am open minded about suggestions. I tell people that they should not be afraid to redt me something that I will be insulted. I am fine, redt me stuff. I don't think there is anything that I would reject without giving it thought and research. And don't think it is because I am desperate. I just don't know who my bashert is and what his life has been like and I don't want to say no to going out with him because of some silly closeminded reason. Does that satisfy you?

Tem: Oh gosh.

Inspired: can we also say they are for "other girls" Lol. I don't believe so either. And therefore I am not going to marry one. If I would expect myself to, I would really be setting myself up for a letdown, huh?

nmf: firstly, he is The Best Boy in the yeshivah, give hime the proper respect. The Best Boy. And that is my point exactly. i don't intend to marry TBB. I intend to marry My Best Boy.

HS: Thank you. It feels good to know that SOMEONE agrees with me...

Anonymous said...

"Name"- I think that is an unfair question to ask SD. Autism is a mental disability and diabetes is a physical one. I'm not saying that one should be closed minded and not consider all options whether its autism or diabetes or anything else for that matter (BT, divorced, past illness...)But they are very different and shouldnt be compared like that.

Heshy said...

I hear the running joke in Lakewood is that all the boys are the best boys and there are no second best boys.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

No, he has to be TBB. But TBB for you.

And yes, I wouldn't go for TBG, I'd rather go for a normal one.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

I.e. normal as a person. I want her dedicated to me and not to the surrounding world. I don't think TBG can be such.

Something Different said...

BTS: then he is MBB, not TBB. TBB is not MBB. Don't confuse the two...

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

See I think there's no such thing as the absolute best. It's only relative. All people are human and thereby have faults. If someone is 100% prefect, and the best, then they wouldn't be here. We are here to grow and correct ourselves.

So the word "best" can only be applied relatively, the "best" boy for that specific girl.

Everybody has different views of what "best" is.

itsagift said...

Everyone has someone who is best for them. And even if he is TBB, no boy is perfect and so his wife, who I'm assuming will be TBG, will only find out after she gets married that her husband is not as perfect as she imagined him to be. Nobody is's not possible to be perfect.

Personally, I'd much rather know about the flaws before getting married than finding out after. This way, you know what the 'issues' are, what to work on and accept him for who he is without having to be surprised later. And, a guy who didn't have the "perfect" life will be able to deal with difficulties that come along with life because nobody has a smooth ride. And you want to be married to someone who will be able to help you go through them.