From a reader:
“I lost a bunch of weight recently. People started to notice and comment. One of my friends started to send her comments via text message. The first time was just after we met at a wedding. We parted, my phone buzzed: Ur getting rly skinny.
I lost a few more pounds, and she commented on my weight loss without even seeing me. They say u r getting bony.
Her next text came a little while after we met up at a local store. Out with it already. When r u getting engaged.”
Isn’t it sad? Nowadays, a person can’t even lose a couple of pounds without the shidduchhounds attacking them.
12 comments:
Interesting, I would think you would stop caring about that once you're getting engaged b/c the only reason to lose weight is to get a good date? What's sarcasm, does it come from the Saar valley?
And afterwards, it's the opposite - gain an ounce and the eyes are already estimating the due date :)
You can't win either way. Put on 5 pounds after your married, and everyone starts whispering that you're pregnant.
In defense of the shidduchhounds (and I am NOT one of them), if you meet a guy you really like, you'll make sure to look your best for him. Just explaining the train of thought...
Looking one's best for a guy does not automatically mean becoming trim. I would think most girls lose weight before the special someone comes along, rather than after the special someone arrives. Why bother? He's here, after all, and presumably won't leave the girl because of a few pounds.
If anything, pound loss motivation with dude in place is usually motivated by gown selection.
Release the hounds!
Wow. That friend deserves a nice slap.
"They say u r getting bony."
Your "friends" speaking and listening to lashon hara about you behind your back.... I guess that's ok because... FFBs are allowed to speak Lashon Hara?
FYI, I wrote from a reader. That didn't happen to me. I probably be really nasty to anyone who made a comment like that to me.
does "from a reader" carry the same implications of "I have a friend which told me..." :-P
Recently got that comment from a non-Jewish neighbor of mine...couldn't stop laughing!
-Chan
Don't all the dating/shidduch books recommend losing weight/getting in shape (for both guys and girls) BEFORE really getting into the parsha. The point being we are supposed to look our best and be as fit as we can and optimize our attractiveness? Why would losing weight indicate an impending engagement? If the guy likes her enough to get engaged when she weighs a certain amount, maybe he likes her at that size (regardless of what that is). Hence, a drastic weight loss may be counterproductive for a relationship if the other person wants someone with a little more meat on their bones... am I making any sense?
I was chalishing to say this when you first posted it, but I couldn't because I wasn't officially (or even unofficially, but we both knew that that's where we were heading) engaged yet. Basically, I went to a wedding and a teacher that I hadn't seen in a while came over to me. She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "You look great - what's his name?" Now if anyone else had said that to me, I'd have been upset. This particular teacher had been involved in my dating career (I actually had my first date with my chosson from her house), so it was ok for her to comment. I was just shocked that she could tell, especially since I hadn't realized that I had lost weight.
Also, speaking as an NEF, the pre-engagement weight loss (which I definitely had) did not come from trying to look good for my chosson. It was stress and a lack of interest in food that did it. I've only recently (a week later) started eating semi-regularly again.
Wow, I found this blog by accident, but your post really resonated with me. A couple of years back, I lost a significant amount of weight. It had absolutely nothing to do with being in the parsha, or any "significant other" what-so-ever; it was simply something I felt motivated to to do for my health. But the comments and assumptions that were made about my reasons for losing weight were on par with what you describe...I had friends and family members asking when "the big engagement announcement" would come or when they would get to meet they "lucky future-fiance" etc. I even had one shaddchan (well intentioned, I'm sure), who knew I wasn't actually seeing anyone, beg and plead with me to remove all "pre-weight loss" pictures of myself from my private facebook and snapfish accounts just in case ("chas vshalom") a potential shidduch would look me up online and somehow find the pictures and be "turned off."
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