Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Top Ten Gym Patrons

10) The yoga queen: she is the lady who looks like she was BORN on a yoga mat. Her flexibility looks like some kind of bizarre photoshop technique, except it's REAL life!

9) The Best Friends: these are two people who don't have the self confidence to stand on a treadmill without the support of their buddy. I was a Best Friend get off the elliptical to accompany her friend to the bathroom once.
8) The Machine Hog: I shouldn't hate this lady quite so much, because she inspired this post, but she prevented me from going on one of my favorite machines last night, so I do. A machine hog is not someone who spends forever on a particular machine. They're entitled. They're the ones who sit on a machine for a million years- and don't move. Futile hogging. It doesn't get worse.

7) The Muscle Lady: she is the one flying so fast on that treadmill that u can't even see her legs- it's all a blur. She's also the one who makes you feel slow when you are going at level five on the treadmill.

6) The Endurance Master: she's the lady who is at the gym before you, and is still going strong when you leave, even if you are there for an hour and a half.
5) The Lazy Lady: she's the one who thinks you lose weight just by showing up at the gym. She shmoozes with the other ladies at the gym, but doesn't realize that the only part of her body getting a workout is her vocal cords.

4) The TV Fanatic: she is into her workout- basically. But when the show gets exciting, she stops moving and just stares with an open mouth. She also does things like laugh too loudly at lame non-lol jokes and point at particularly exciting (in her mind) events on the screen.

3) The Fat Lady: she's great, cuz no matter your size, she makes you feel sooo skinny. I mean, seriously. The woman can't even get into the seat of half the machines.

2) The Skinny Lady: I am of the opinion that there should be segregated gyms for people like this. You go and lose weight and look good, then see her and her perfect figure and all you want to so is bury your head in a bowl of ice cream.

1) The Public Figure: She is the comic relief for the rest of the people there. See, her life is fascinating. And I know that because she shares it. Loudly. On the phone. For forty five minutes straight while she burns off the calories of the cheese Danish she ate because she was in such a bad mood this morning because her son's teacher sent a note that...

Do you have these people in your gym too?


Anonymous said...

OMG....the public lady...LOL

itsagift said...

I love this list!

Can't think of any others to add...as you can tell, I'm not a gym person, I'd rather go walking than spend time on the treadmill or exercise bike - then I get an added bonus: fresh air!

Anonymous said...

I have never seen a TV fanatic at the gym. How can you get that absorbed into a show if there is no sound??
And I think you were very harsh describing the fat women. At least they are trying to do something about their situation! Skinny women probably don't comment on them not fitting on the seats like you did, sorry.

Anonymous said...


Totally agree! I hate spending time in a stuffy gym, but I go walking plenty.

G6 said...

Don't start up with the fat lady. I call her the BRAVE LADY. She's super brave for even showing up. She conquers her fear that everybody is staring and she does what is good for HER! Brava!!!!

Now, you also forgot the Victoria's Secret Model... you know... the one who comes in what looks like UNDERWEAR. Seriously... I'm always nervous that her straps will break during the workout or some body part that is barely concealed will pop out.

Oh, and the sweater... the one who sweats profusely, wipes their forehead, and then proceeds to shake it off without regard as to whom they are "splashing"....

#1Fan said...

"and all you want to so is bury your head in a bowl of ice cream."

lol. funny visual.
i don't get why women have the urge to eat when they are feeling down-guys don't get that.

also, just because someone is thinner doesn't mean they look better; there are many women that are underweight and it is very unattractive, not to mention unhealthy. many guys would rather a girl that's a bit overweight than one that's a bit underweight.i have literally felt ill at the sight of some underweight girls. just do your best, be reasonable, and you'll be fine.

p.s. are you posting less often now?

Something Different said...

In defense of my fat lady thing, the one in the gym when I wrote that post (in my mind, during my workout) was also the lazy lady. She was huge, but she didn't even get on a machine. The entire 45 minutes I was there she was busy shmoozing with some other lady- the machine hogger.

#1fan- I am, but not intentionally. I have a ton of posts in my head, and hope to write em up soon. I also have a reason for not posting lately, which I may or may not post about. (And engagement is not it, sorry.) And btw, I can't reply to a comment, but I read and enjoyed yours. If you want a reply you have to email me.

M said...

How about The Shvitzer? This is the lady that leaves heat and body fluid on every machine she goes near.