Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Top Ten Reasons I Don't Like Hanging Out With Married Folks

So I am sitting at a wedding surrounded by former classmates. The differences between us are subtle. Sheitels, rings, not much else to separate myself from the others. Then they opened their mouths. And The real differences began.

10) "SD, my husband still has one or two single friends. What type of guy are you looking for again?"

9)"So who's babysitting for you tonight?"
"Chava Esther Goldstein"
"Oh, she's great. I tried her. I guess that's why she wasn't available. (tee-hee)

8) \"So which suppers do you freeze?"
"I have a great minute steak recipe that freezes well. Do you want it?"
"Um, I don't know. Isn't that a little expensive for regular days?"

7)"I hate living so close to my mother in law. She always expects me to come for supper during the week. And then she complains about everything."
"Why don't you move?"
"I'd rather she move."

6)"How much weight did you gain in your first pregnancy?"
"Forty pounds, can you IMAGINE??"
"Me too! I gained forty pounds too!"
"Can't be! Where is it?"
"I've gotten much better at hiding it. He's six months old."

5) "I left my kids with my husband tonight. I'm sure I'll come home to find my house turned over."
"I know, isn't it funny? When I watch the kids I'm just doing my job. When my husband does, he is BABYSITTING."

4) "I'm finally moving my baby out of my room. It's about time, no? She's seven months old."
"My first baby slept in my room until he was 11 months old."
"Yeah but you were in a one bedroom apartment then."
"Well I only moved him out to make room for me second baby. My older one slept in the hallway till we moved."
3) "My sheitel looks terrible tonight. Can you tell it's my weekday sheitel? I got caught in the rain with my shabbos sheitel and the sheitel macher couldn't do it in time."
"Noway! It looks really good, who is your sheitel macher?"

2) "My labor was sooo long you can't imagine..."
I won't continue this dialogue, but suffice it to say it included times and measurements, and led to number 1:

1) Hysterical giggling. Which of course, was about a joke. A joke which couldn't really be repeated to us "naive" single girls.

16 comments:

Soul Comfort said...

Oh, you can sit next to me. I won't talk about much of that stuff.

still waiting said...

the only thing worse is when they talk about how lucky we singles are to travel and spend money and blah blah blah. yup, we really feel lucky!

Sefardi Gal said...

UGH.
I'd excuse myself for a long bathroom break.

itsagift said...

You should have written this top ten post in the other order - from one to ten so that number nine would read: "My labor was sooo long you can't imagine..."
I won't continue this dialogue, but suffice it to say it included times and measurements, and led to number 10
!

I was just at a vort of a classmate and noticed this exact thing - the contrast between the single and marrieds is only apparent once the girls start talking!

Beheima said...

ok...so what should married girls discuss? favorite books? music? if they are not doing things single girls do- like take trips and work full time, or date or deal with bratty siblings blah blah blah, then what should they talk about?? i used to be one of the lonely single girls and i just joined in on the married conversation topics! i learned some good shalom bayis tips, some freezer recipes, some parenting ideas...eventually i knew i would cross that bridge so why not come prepared?
was i #7 by any chance?
as for the personal marriage jokes, sometimes single girls cant handle it....i know a girl who left me hanging all alone at a wedding after i was joking around about marriage tips because she didnt want to sit next to me and my dirty mouth anymore.
so i think married girls should definitely be interested in single girls lives, but it makes more sense for the single girls to just join in to the booooring discussions regarding fever, fishsticks, and laundry.
do i make any sense at all?

me too said...

Sigh. If you have some of the single friends I do.........

MY Design said...

lol #7... i don't blame you one bit!!.... next time have a seat near me and we'll discuss.. FOOOOOOD...hmmmm...

Shades of Grey said...

#7 sounds like a line out of "Art of the Date" or some other dating/marriage book that has a humorous slant to it.

From a guy's perspective (and a recently married one at that), I don't think I've really been in the company of male married friends who go on and on about their marriage and wives. I assume everyone, even within marriage, still has their own particular interests, so I don't agree with Beheima that this is all married women have to talk about.

However, she does have a good point that there is always something to learn from these sorts of conversations. It doesn't have to be an exercise in futility for the single listener, and certainly he/she should try and glean the useful or informative bits from the discussion.

M said...

You can sit next to me too! We can make single life sound so much fun to the all the marrieds...

scala vestibuli said...

Number 1. I hate when they do that. Do they teach them to be 'modest' like this in kallah classes?!

scala vestibuli said...

Question though- does it bother you to hear discussions 1 & 2 or is it the coy censoring for the naive that bothers you?

Mystery Woman said...

Well...I don't talk about any of that stuff... but I'm not sure you wanna sit near me.

Brochi said...

YAY! You changed the design/template. It was starting to hurt my eyes.

Anonymous said...

I have to speak up from the "other" side, as someone who is married with a baby. Husbands and babies were the best things invented! When I am with my close friends (whether single or married), they are lucky if they hear about my committed life once in the entire conversation. We are totally selfish, talking only of ourselves to each other. I can't imagine talking about my daily experiences ad nauseum.

However, when I am forced to make public appearances, things change drastically. I do not enjoy conversing with the majority of the world, specifically gaggles of giggling girls who talk about hearth and home. But if you can't beat them, sometimes you have to join them. Rather than being socially inept for 2 hours, I pretend to care about the topics of conversation, if for no other reason than I have absolutely nothing else in common with my seatmates other than burping, vomit, and sleep schedules. Alas, such is life, and we cannot always pick those we hang out with!

Maybe, just maybe, some of those other young ladies feel similarly?

** Another reason babies are the best is because when you're walking down the street and see someone ahead whom you wish to avoid (9 out of 10 people in my case), you can just stick your head in the stroller, pretend you're talking to your baby, and sail on by. Yes, I exploit my kid shamelessly!

**"Illicit" conversations are the best kind to have! I think they must just (somewhat perversely) enjoy the smug and superior feeling of harboring that kind of knowledge, whatever it is.

colloquiallyspeaking said...

question - when singles sit together, what do they discuss?
i don't like hanging out with people who talk about these things, especially #1(really?) but are there people out there who feel the other way? somehow, after reading a lot of these shidduch blogs, i get the feeling that singles talk about being single all the time....i may be wrong cause i don't really have any friends to hang out with...just a thought...

chanie said...

I think that this post should be titled, "Why I don't hang out with RUDE married folks".
Because excuse me, I do none of these things and I am also married.
Humph. I take offense.