Free Fun In NYC

I once saw an article entitled "10 free things to do in NYC." I'm not sure why my latest entertainment idea wasn't on their list.

I was in midtown Manhattan with my mother and sister, and somehow, got led into Saks Fifth Avenue. Now realize that I am a complete idiot, as I have absolutely no understanding of brand names. It whole idea completely escapes my brain's processing capabilities. Therefore, you can probably imagine my complete lack of interest in the brand-name wonderland we had stepped into. For those of you who have never been there, basically the store (or at least the part we were in) looks like this: there is an immense room, with the entire makeup/perfume inventory showcased by a very large number of very pushy salespeople.

Bordering the room, are little 'boutiques' from the various companies who's names nobody can pronounce. So while my mother had an excellent saleslady from clinique persuade her into sitting down for a "free" beauty consultation, I decided to entertain myself. So I headed for Louis Vuitton.

I picked up a small pocketbook, and looked for a price tag. None. If I had been looking seriously to purchase it, that would have sent alarm bells off in my head. But, obviously, I wasn't actually looking to purchase anything. So I approached the saleslady. "There is no price tag on this. Does that mean it's free?" She glowered at me and said "That bag costs $750" I dropped it like a hot coal. "That's not in my price range."

I scurried off, before I got myself kicked out of the store. I decided to try another tactic. I picked up a pair of shoes and walked over to the next saleslady. "I don't see a price on these." Being the very helpful saleslady that she was, she offered to look up the price. They were $650, but I wasn't finished. "I don't like the color, do you have any others?" She directed me over to a rack of the same shoes in patent leather. "I like the black ones, but I want them in the suede, do you have that?" The lady was regretful to inform me that she doesn't have them. And I was regretful to say goodbye.

Then I decided to escalate things a little. I walked into Tod's. I approached the saleslady, and began describing a Tod's bag I had seen in a different location. "It was probably a signature bag or something. It was black with large white letters saying Tod's across it. Do you carry that one" The woman was confused. "You saw it this season?" "Sure I did! I saw it this week, in the Tod's outlet in Woodbury Commons."

That is when the lady got insulted. "The outlet stores sell old merchandise. We don't sell that here." I apologized for my ignorance and looked around for a minute. "This bag is nice, how much is it?" She smiled at me. "That one is $1325." I flinched. "That is out of my price range. Do you have something on sale?" If she was insulted before, the lady was seriously offended now. "No, we don't have sale merchandise here." I thanked her and left. I met my mother and sister outside and burst out laughing. I couldn't let the fun stop there, so I headed into Salvatore Ferragamo.

I put my best acting skills to use, glad to have tried on some makeup at one of the counters. I walked in, looked around for a few minutes, and approached the saleswoman. "I like this bag, how much is it?" She took me very seriously, and started extolling the virtues of the bag. After showing me the extra strap and the interior pockets and noting my eager expression she pulled out the price tag. "This bag is $1650." Although I was horrified at the price, my flinch at that point was part of the act. "Wow, I was looking for something cheaper. Do you have a sales rack?"
The lady turned white. She gave me an enormous glare and said, in her snootiest tone. "Not in Ferragamo."

I managed to keep my face straight as I quickly said goodbye and thank you. Then I left, and burst into peals of laughter. And poor Mom, muttering under her breath about how she can't figure out how I managed to be just like my father, had to pull me out of the store by my ears before I could go and see the Prada salesperson's opinion on sales racks.

Plans for next time: Does Louis Vuitton have pocketbooks without the LV's all over them? I intend to ask them.