Childhood Traumas

I mentioned in a comment on my post about TBB that there is no problem that a boy could have that would make me say no on the spot, without looking into it a little. But I must confess. That is not true There is one thing I would not hear of.
Amputations.
Not because of what they mean to the amputee, but because of what they mean to me. I am not sure why I am divulging my biggest fear to the world. And I am not sure why I am even letting myself think about this, as there is no way I will write this post and then sleep normally tonight. But.....in the name of a blog post-here goes nothing.
I won't go into the gory details, but just after I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was told about the complications. I think this was a scare tactic....you better do what we tell you or in a few years you will be blind, have heart failure and no limbs. Btw, did I ever mention that the first doctor I went to was cruel? Whatever the case, I was told that if my blood sugar would be out of control I would find myself getting "complications" from diabetes. These complications include heart disease, blindness, and of course, nerve disease leading to amputations, Chas V'shalom. You can imagine that this was not easy for any kid to handle. As it was, I was trying to adjust to a whole new way of life, to a whole regimen of needles and finger pricks and doctors.... But the slight nagging fear turned traumatic when I opened the door of the office and in the hallway was a man....in a wheelchair....with no legs. A cruel coincidence? An actor paid by the doctors office to show the kids that they mean business? I don't know. Whatever the case, for a diabetes veteran of two weeks, it was the end. Right then and there started my lifelong fear and trauma of missing limbs.
When I see a picture of someone without legs, I feel shaky. I know this is not a rational fear. But every time my blood sugar goes high, I see that man...sitting in a wheel chair, missing his legs, only he has......my face.
(Please realize that it takes much more than one high blood sugar to cause these complications. They are caused by years of out of control blood sugars, which stem from the old fashioned method of diabetes control, which in turn resulted from the lack of knowledge and education that there was until recent years. Nowadays, diabetes complications are quite rare.)
And so, there you have it. My biggest fear. I can't face it, in any manifestation. So bring on TBBs (the best boys) with TBBs (the big buts). But spare me the amputations. I just can't handle that.