Thursday, February 12, 2009

Childhood Traumas

I mentioned in a comment on my post about TBB that there is no problem that a boy could have that would make me say no on the spot, without looking into it a little. But I must confess. That is not true There is one thing I would not hear of.
Amputations.
Not because of what they mean to the amputee, but because of what they mean to me. I am not sure why I am divulging my biggest fear to the world. And I am not sure why I am even letting myself think about this, as there is no way I will write this post and then sleep normally tonight. But.....in the name of a blog post-here goes nothing.
I won't go into the gory details, but just after I was diagnosed with diabetes, I was told about the complications. I think this was a scare tactic....you better do what we tell you or in a few years you will be blind, have heart failure and no limbs. Btw, did I ever mention that the first doctor I went to was cruel? Whatever the case, I was told that if my blood sugar would be out of control I would find myself getting "complications" from diabetes. These complications include heart disease, blindness, and of course, nerve disease leading to amputations, Chas V'shalom. You can imagine that this was not easy for any kid to handle. As it was, I was trying to adjust to a whole new way of life, to a whole regimen of needles and finger pricks and doctors.... But the slight nagging fear turned traumatic when I opened the door of the office and in the hallway was a man....in a wheelchair....with no legs. A cruel coincidence? An actor paid by the doctors office to show the kids that they mean business? I don't know. Whatever the case, for a diabetes veteran of two weeks, it was the end. Right then and there started my lifelong fear and trauma of missing limbs.
When I see a picture of someone without legs, I feel shaky. I know this is not a rational fear. But every time my blood sugar goes high, I see that man...sitting in a wheel chair, missing his legs, only he has......my face.
(Please realize that it takes much more than one high blood sugar to cause these complications. They are caused by years of out of control blood sugars, which stem from the old fashioned method of diabetes control, which in turn resulted from the lack of knowledge and education that there was until recent years. Nowadays, diabetes complications are quite rare.)
And so, there you have it. My biggest fear. I can't face it, in any manifestation. So bring on TBBs (the best boys) with TBBs (the big buts). But spare me the amputations. I just can't handle that.

14 comments:

BigChamor21 said...

We learned the true reason behind phobias in college this week. It doesn't really have what to do with the actual fear of amputations.

Something Different said...

BC21- are you going to tell me what the reason is? Or is this something I don't want posted online?

Child Ish Behavior said...

I don't think anyone would hold it against you for feeling the way you do. The prospect does sound very appalling. Whenever I pass those people with missing limbs I get the chills too. Nobody likes to have one of the worst case scenarios right in front of their face.

Inspired said...

That doctor was really cruel:( I was never directly told about the complications... IMO, with todays advancements in diabetes care, your fear is irrational. even with an occasional(?) high BG;)

Mikeinmidwood said...

My biggest fear is tornadoes. Nothing scarier than a twister spin cycling your body, and leaving you out (to dry) dead.

Something Different said...

CIB- thanks for validating my concern...

Insp- firstly, that doctor was Dr. R! Heehee. Now you can mean it when you say he's cruel! Also, it's not a fear that it will happen to me. It's more of a thing from my past. :(
Occasional? :-p

MIM- Is there a reason for that? Like, something you saw?

comfortablynumb said...

I dont want to scare you any further but I assume you know now that it was not just a scare tactic

Something Different said...

CN- oh gosh that was the point of my post! I saw it in real life right then and there as I left the doctor's office. I don't think you can scare me more than I am. Honest.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Something Different

As much as you (the psychologist) would like to hear, I have this to say. I have bad news and good news; the bad news is I dont know why I am so sorry you cant fix it, the good news is I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to geico.

Something Different said...

MIM- I think we need to wait for BigChamor to tell us the real reasons behind phobias, but I was wondering if you had seen anything as a child...maybe the wizard of oz?
Lol to your good news. I think the advertising guys at geico are second only to bud light. "PROOF that geico auto insurance customers like to save money!" hahaha

BigChamor21 said...

No way am I posting the theory up here...and I wont tell you on the phone either. You know me, I'm what people call a prude.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

that totally makes sense why you would fear it.

I actually once gave a speech on phobia for my English class.

this was my conclusion:

"From researching about phobias one learns that there are so many different types. The things people fear actually fall into the three categories of the main types of phobias. One realizes there is actually a science behind these fears of irrational things. People aren’t crazy for fearing dogs or the dark or other such things, since it is a phobia, it is something they can not control. Therefore, one learns to be less judgmental of people and the things they fear."

I have a lot typed up on it, I can e-mail it to you if you want.

Something Different said...

JSB- interesting. Please do email it. :-)

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

ok e-mailed :-)