BigChamor21 presented me with a question:
"What do you think is harder, waiting for a red light or being a red light?"
I'll confess, when I first read the question, I misunderstood. I thought she meant it in regards to driving, which made no sense. I mean, a red light is an inanimate object, and probably never realized that there is a better existence out there.
Then I realized. She was referring to MP and me. Or perhaps she meant the question in general. Who has a harder time of things, the older sister, who is holding someone up, or the younger sister, who is being held up.
I don't think I'm qualified to give a broad answer on this topic. I mean, I haven't conducted an exhaustive study on inter-sister relationships. My hypothesis though, is that it would be different in each case. (Brave guess, huh?)
Take MP and SD. I think I am more chilled out about not being in shidduchim than anyone you've ever met. Don't get me wrong. I am dying to get married, beyond what I can describe. But I see this time as a blessing. I mean, I'll get married when the time is right, so isn't it nice not to have to spend the meantime in shidduchim? Think: no meetings with shadchanim, no pressure to go out and be seen, no fear over who will see me and how I look and.... Cool, isn't it? Not to mention, MP is really helping me by warding off the hoards of NS and WMS ready to swoop down on me and attempt to make me depressed. (As if!)
So I'm chilled. I'll get married. No point in worrying.
On the flip side, MP has every reason to be worried. Those of you who took the BOSD Road Rage Quiz may have surmised that I'm the type of person who wouldn't mind running a red light or two. So you can imagine her anxiety. I might run a red, and leave her, the lonely red light, swaying in the wind.
So I'd have to say, I think BEING a red light is worse than WAITING for one. But then again, I wouldn't know. I've never been a red light.
What do you think? Anyone out there ever been a red light? Waited for one? Which would you say is worse?
15 comments:
I think i'm the *blinking* red light. I have no problem letting my younger sister go ahead of me as long as she "stops, looks both ways, and then proceeds with caution" I know i'll get married at the right time, and she'll get married at her right time (regardlesss of if i'm married or not) My sister and I are totally different and we aren't even remotely looking for the same type of boy, so what would I gain by making her wait?
it's an interesting analogy, SD. i never thought of it like that...
i have a sister who is in seminary so there's always this thought in my mind, "i hope i get married before she comes home because then maybe she'll get married before me." i really don't want that to happen! but i guess i have to accept it if that's His Master Plan. but who knows?? i wish it didn't have to be this way and this pressurizing
Anon- do you wanna have a talk with MP? Trust me, if there are two sisters looking for opposites it's me and MP... I don't know what the point is... To keep me from having to be in shidduchim.
TB- what if you are still single when she comes back? Will she wait for you?
Sure, I wouldnt mind having a chat with MP. How can I get in touch with her? BTW, I haven't always been so easy going about letting my sister go first. But the longer I'm in shidduchim, the more obvious it becomes that nothing is in my control. I understand where MP is coming from and I can't judge her.
i had always thought that my sister would wait for me but my mother said no. that she'll date too. and won't wait.
so that's what causes me to feel pressured
Firstly, none of the situations are bad.
For me, waiting for a red light was definitely more of a carefree, worry-free time than being a red light. And as for keeping up my younger sibs, I'm cool with that, maybe cause I know they won't go before me...;)
I was fine with having a red light. It gave me a chance to go to school and make some sense out of my life before entering shidduchim.
I think it also has to do with the amount of space between siblings. With my older sister, she was only two years older than me. I have a younger sister now who's four years younger than me, and going to seminary next year. Mostly I'm okay with it, but sometimes I do get scared, and have to remind myself that there's Someone bigger and better than me running the show.
Anon- Oh here's her number: 1-800-PERFECT. I understand her too, a million percent. I don't want to skip her. I honestly don't. If the time for me to get married is before the right time for her, then Hashem will orchestrate it.
TB-That must be hard. I am starting to think being a red light is a lot harder....
Insp- How do you know they won't? How would you feel if they would want to?
Anon1-You are right. There is no use getting scared, as it will change nothing. IY"H we shouldn't need to worry about any of this!
:)
I'm hesitant to join in the discussion because I am kind of objective. I am a red light so of course I'll say it's harder to be one. I did give my sister the go-ahead a while ago and even with the "green light", she remains unattached as of yet. It's all in Hashem's Hands and being a "red light" or "green light" is really irrelevant to the master plan.
I feel terrible though for having held back my sister as long as I did...
Being that I was neither a "red light" or waiting for my "green light" to come, I can't really answer the question...But I CAN say...I wish I had an excuse to wait around...Those who are "good to go" have a pressure to go quickly too....I mean otherwise ppl say - "If she's such a good girl, why is she still around?" So enjoy life while you're not commited to caring for a spouse...!
As far as looking over your shoulder at who's watching you - CHILL! Whatever is bashert will happen! you can watch your back/image so carefully and end up marrying someone whose family you new since you're twelve! RELAX, be yourself, and enjoy!
HS- nah, seems like everyone feels that being the red is harder. And don't feel bad. You didn't hold her back from getting engaged. Obviously it wasn't bashert yet.
Zeesekeit- your a million percent right. I'm trying to focus on that right now. Enjoying the pros of single-hood and not letting the pressure get to me.
SD- I don't know, I don't know what hashems plans are. Let's just say it's highly unlikely;)
I would probably be hurt if my sister would skip me. On the other hand, I already gave the "go-ahead" for my brother. It all depends on the situation though.
Since I am neither a red light nor a green, I will henceforth dub myself a halogen bulb.
All those other light bulbs out there give me a wave! [waves back]
Seriously, though, I don't know how it would be for me if I was either waiting or being skipped. All I can say is that in the totality of the vast shidduch system, I'm so glad that G-d is in charge. We'd mess up big time if it were only up to us.
very interesting. I don't have that situation because I don't have an older sister, and my next sister is 12 years old. I do have 2 brothers though, but I think it works differently there.
I can say though, when I was 19 I officially started being in "shidduchim". But I got no phone calls or anything till that Dec, right before I turned 20, so that was a whole year of thinking I wish I just went out already so I can know what its like. It probably would have been better if I wouldn't have "started" at 19, cause then I wouldn't have felt let down that I didn't get any phone calls. Although when I was 17 after I graduated HS, tons of people asked me, but of course I said I was too young and that I wasn't dating yet. So I think there shouldn't be an official "starting point" of being in or out. But rather just take it as it goes, if there's a suggestion then look into it.
Although now that I have went out on a few shidduch dates, it was nothing exciting, and I didn't enjoy it much. I'd rather just go out with the one I'll marry, so I wouldn't mind waiting with no suggestions.
And about the red light thing, I can't picture myself ever being a red light. But I don't mind waiting for red lights, so long as its the rule I'll follow it, as long as nothing else interferes.
Insp- ok, that makes sense. Hopefully it won't be an issue...
CP- sounds bright enough. :-P You. Are. So. Right.
JSB- I can't either imagine being a red light, but I was B"H not put into that position, so I don't want to say. But definitely be glad you don't have the pressure....
Post a Comment