Friday, February 13, 2009

Mixed Emotions

(I wrote this the minute I got off the phone with my friend, when she called to say she is unofficially engaged. I felt so selfish that I was feeling that way, but I am told it is a normal feeling... I waited till it was official to post this, so here it is. This friend is my only real life friend who knows about my blog, so I hope and pray that she doesn't read this...)

How do you describe the feeling?
Excitement reaches to the ceiling,
But I don't feel like I'm even dealing!

It's going be tomorrow night,
My friend a kallah? What a sight!
So why do I suddenly feel such fright?

Why do my eyes feel a little wet,
What reason is there, to be upset?
When my friend and her chosson have now met!

Lechaim, vort and shower too!
"Im yirtzeh Hashem by you!"
She now has so much stuff to do!

I can't help but feel a tinge of despair,
As she moves on, and leaves me here,
But my day doesn't seem anywhere near!

It's my confidant, my closest friend,
Who's wedding I now have to attend,
But our friendship as I know it will now end!

It's not completely selfish you see,
I'm thrilled to see her so happy,
Yet I can help but think of me!

The first words that she said tonight,
When she called me sounding bright,
Tried to make me feel alright,

She kind of failed with that endeavor,
To make me think this would last forever,
And our current friendship wouldn't sever,

"We'll always be best friends you know,
Or else I really wouldn't go,
You're not a friend I would just throw!"

But now it's different, don't deny!
You'll have a husband, and that's why!
But what about me? I'll just stand by.

So yes my dear, I'm thrilled for you!
I'm really happy, through and through!
But it's hard for me, I'll say it too!

14 comments:

Child Ish Behavior said...

amazing poem, and I think this is a feeling that most people feel. Happiness with a squeeze of envy.

tembow said...

this is a great poem, SD

and it's weird cuz i think i'd feel more envious of close friend than someone im not so friendly with.. i don't really know why

Something Different said...

CIB- Thanks. I dunno if envy is the word....

TB- I think that is totally normal. I don't feel anything other than happiness for friend-lies. It's the close friends (and only the really close friends).

anon#1 said...

I don't think it's jealousy here. I had the same thing when my friend got engaged, and you expressed it so perfectly.

It's a feeling of incredible happiness for your friend, but wondering what's going to happen to you now. How you're going to manage without her.

From experience, I have a close friend who promised me that we would remain friends even after she got married. And, although it took a bit of time after her wedding, we are currently in constant contact, and I have no problem calling her at home. May you be zocheh to watch your friend build a bayis ne'eman, and may your turn come soon.

Inspired said...

Awesome poem! BTDT. and as anon#1 said, true friends do stay friends after they get married, although it takes some time...

Bas~Melech said...

Interesting to note how you find a poem along these lines on almost every single-frum-girl blog... just goes to show that even as we feel so alone during these times it's not just you...

Something Different said...

Anon-Amein. I'm not really worried we won't be friends anymore, just....our friendship will change.

Insp- (nice abbbreviation;) yeah, I know, but that "some time" is bound to be tough...

BM- uh, links?? Truth is, I was not going to publish this, because I felt so selfish about it, but people keep asking me if I am ok, if I am dealing..... Which btw I think was a strange question for people to ask, dontcha think?

halfshared said...

SD, why is it a strange question? People care...

Something Different said...

HS- I just mean that while my good friends can ask me that, it's a little odd for people that I barely know to ask me. I mean, would I tell you if I was having a rough time of it? I barely know you!........

halfshared said...

Sometimes strangers care too, ya know. Listen, they can be genuine and ask that question, and it's up to you to answer truthfully if you feel like it or you can say you're feeling fine when you're really not. I think it's nice that people care.

Something Different said...

HS- I guess you are nicer than me. I would assume they are sticking their noses in where they aren't welcome. But that's just me...

Zeeskeit said...

Beautiful poem...well said...

Yes, I believe most girls feel this way...Speaking from the other side of the road...I got engaged/married b4 my friends and they gave me no space...I felt a constant pressure to keep up...I think that most kallahs need some space in the begining and then they come back...it's normal...I mean husbands can't replace best friends and best friends can't replace husbands,but it takes a while to figure out a balance btw the two...hang in there...and remember your friend is stuck in the middle of a delicate situation - she will try to keep it up while it gets harder and harder so encourage her to take some "time off". That'll let her know - "It's ok. I understand that you need more time for yourself and there's a part of your life I can't always share, but I'm here as soon as you've adjusted to you're new life" and then it gets pretty much back to normal. Don't forget - she'll probably miss much of single life too and wish she still had your freedom...

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

I've had that same feeling when my best friend got engaged. But then when she walked over that next shabbos to my house to spend time with me, I felt better, that we were still friends, that I wasn't gonna loose her. Now that she's married she's the one that's always calling me, and even if we don't talk in a long time we always have stuff to say and get back to how our friendship used to be, and its like nothing changed. She's married, has a husband, wears a sheitel, but she's still herself, same personality, same sense of humor. It was more on my part that I thought she would change, that I feel the difference, because I'm not in the same stage of life as her. I do have to work harder at staying up to date with my friends.

Something Different said...

JSB- oh I am seriously hoping that it turns out so well.