This week's Top Ten Tuesday is dedicated to Bas~Melech, who recently underwent a species change.
We have this little bet going on, about how bad of a kallah she'll become. She's asked me to lay out the details of my bet, so here they are, in Top Ten form.
1) Bridosapien: "Look at my Kallah bracelet! Isn't it gorgeous? My mother-in-law actually gave me a few options, but my chosson and I think this was the nicest.
Bridezilla: "Isn't my bracelet gorgeous? My kallah bracelet! Can you imagine? I'm engaged. Yikes I have so much to do and I don't know how I'm gonna finish and I'm crazy and what was I thinking. Help!"
2) Bridosapien: "I don't know how you should cut the bangs on my shabbos sheitel. I wonder what my chosson will like. Should I text him and ask him?"
Bridezilla: "I don't know! How does everyone wear their bangs? How am I supposed to know? I'm getting married in a few weeks! Is it gonna be done in time?I'm so nervous you won't have it for me in time and I'll have to wear my weekday sheitel to my wedding!
3) Bridosapien: "I wonde if my chosson will like the way this jumper looks on me?"
Bridezilla: "This jumper makes me look so fat! It's no fair what am I supposed to wear to my sheva brachos? I know my chosson isn't gonna like it an I'm getting married in a few weeks and I have nothing to wear! Nobody cares..."
4) Bridosapien: "I think the invitation will look gorgeous with my name and my chosson's name [dreamy eyes] but obviously I think it will look even more gorgeous with our monogram embossed."
Bridezilla: "Absolutely not! I will not get married if my invitation doesn't have an embossed monogram. No way! You don't care about me! It's my wedding! Nobody will come if my invitations don't have embossed monograms!"
5) Bridosapien: "Oh no! My chosson is coming for shabbos and it's already Wednesday afternoon and we barely started cooking! Help! I absolutely MUST make my mother-in-law's triple chocolate fudge, mocha, peanut butter, crispy surprise cookies. She says they are my chosson's favorite and I want him to be happy."
Bridezilla: "Doesnt anyone but me care that my chosson is coming for shabbos? Don't you get it? It's WEDNESDAY already! Just two more days to prepare! Isn't anyone going to help me? And where did somebody put that recipe my mother-in-law gave me? I left it right here on the kitchen counter on Sunday, how dare someone move it? I can't call my mother-in-law and ask for the recipe again, that would be sooo embarrassing and she would think I am so irresponsible and nobody cares about me...." [tears up]
6) Bridosapien: "Why isn't my mother-in-law picking up? I need to call her to say good shabbos! I guess in the meantime I'll have to call my chosson, then I can call my mother-in-law back.
Bridezilla: "Why isn't my mother-in-law answering the phone?! I bet it's because she doesn't like me and doesn't want to talk to me! I can't believe it! My mother-in-law hates me! Everybody hates me! I'm getting married soon and I have so much to do and nobody cares!"
7) Bridosapien: "I'm so overwhelmed. I must call my chosson and make a list of all the things I need to do before my wedding."
Bridezilla: "Help! I have so much to do and nobody is being helpful and it's never going to happen and how in the world am I ever going to get married if everyone just sits around doing nothing! Forget it. I'm not getting married!" [sobs]
8) Bridosapien: "Ugh, my chosson is going to be so disappointed when I tell him that they don't have these shoes in my size."
Bridezilla "I can't believe they don't have these shoes in my size! [weeps] Nobody cares that I'm getting married in a few weeks!"
9) Bridosapien: "I don't know what color the napkins at the wedding should be. Let me text my chosson and ask him."
Bridezilla: [crying] "How am I expected to decide on the right color of napkins when I'm so overwhelmed with shopping and sheitels and everything else? Just discuss it with my mother-in-law an decide. She probably won't like my choice anyway!" [weeps louder]
10) Bridosapien: "I am so NOT a kallah type. I'm totally level-headed and my chosson even says so.
Bridezilla: "How dare you accuse me of being a kallah type! It's not funny I have so much to do and you are being so mean to me! My chosson even says I'm so normal!"