Friday, October 2, 2009

Henpecked Husbands

I can only imagine the scene that acted as a precursor to the scene I just saw in the grocery store....

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Henya the housewife is in the middle of making her regal, seven layer ice cream, chocolate, truffle cake for yom tov, when suddenly she realizes that she is out of eggs, and there are four layers left to go!
Panic overtakes her as she looks down at her housecoat, covered in an odd mixture of flour, chicken grease, and some odd orange thing that might just be the remnants of yesterday's supper that baby shmuly hid under the carpet. Her snood is also coated in food residue, not to mention hanging low, near her eyes, and perched at a funny angle. She knows she can't possibly go to the store in her current state, not to mention shmuly and his sister Rivky having a fight to the finish in the corner of the room.
And so, Henya executes a strategy reserved for only the most desperate housewives. She emitted a shrill shriek: "Hershel!! Hershel! Where are youuuu?"
Shmuly and Rivky cease fighting momentarily, long enough to watch their tatty come in from the sukkah building operation on the porch, yarmulka lopsided, calling "yes Henya, I'm here. No need to worry!"
Henya directs Hershel to a store to get some eggs. As Hershel is leaving the house, Henya calls out, "you know what? I have a list of a few other things I need you to get." And so, Hershel finally escapes the house with a grocery list long enough to wall paper the living room, complete with detailed istrictions such as "gefen, not leibers. Creamy, not crunchy. Don't get the biggest size jar, make sure to get the medium jar."

Hershel quickly leaves the house, but not before Henya runs after him with the last two pages of the list. Two minutes after Hershel's car disappears around the corner, Henya thinks of some more things she needs. A call to Hershel's phone ends in that horrible lady telling her that she has reached the sprint PCS voicemail box of.....

Meanwhile, Hershel gets to te grocery store and sees the huddled masses of men converging over the vegetable bins. He runs over to join them, eager for support. As he aproaches, he hears his friend Gedalya, who's wife Golda prepared a longer and more detailed list than Henya's, raising his voice above the others. "Is this a turnip? How am I supposed to know what a turnip is?"

Wiping persperation off their brows, the men come together to help eachother. It is a secret pact that no man will refuse to help another man escape the wrath of his crazed wife.

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Obviously, I made that story up, but I've seen those men in action. Yesterday, in the grocery store, a man was seen feverishly crossing items off his list, asking his buddy if this is "the same zach as that?"

Anyhow, I wish I had energy to write a meaningful post, or time to write something other than my crazed mind's ramblings at 3 am waiting for a cake to come out of the oven, but as I previously mentioned, I've been busy. So have a good yom tov y'all!

(Btw, anyone else think that the adventures of Henya and Hershel Huffenmeyer would make an exciting serial for my fiction blog? Or is this just the result of my overtired mind?)

9 comments:

harry-er than them all said...

i certainly can commiserate with Hershel. Every time I run out for the emergency shopping list, I have to call multiple times cause they never have exactly whats needed, and for me to innovate and decide the other brand, type, or kind, is good enough, is useless, cause I will no matter what get it wrong.

harry-er than them all said...

oh and it may make a good serial. It could be huffenmayer mondays

Anonymous said...

Did you know that you have 80 followers in Google Reader? Just a heads-up. I'd be feeling a lil paranoid ...

Frayda said...

this is a very clever and funny story. i really enjoyed it (oh, queen of blog comments)

Grey Man said...

Brother, I feel your pain

Something Different said...

HTTA- Exactly. And LOL about the serial. I would put it on my fiction blog...working on it. Let's see what happens.

Anon- Why paranoid? And I thought it was more. I guess that makes me greedy, not paranoid.

Frayda- Are you making fun?

GM- It would be my future husband's pain but let's not go there...

Golda said...

Why, oh why, is my name always used when you're making fun of something?!?

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

Very cute and funny IMO! Go ahead with continuing these series - I don't know what for girls, but as a guy I had fun reading through this.

Something Different said...

Golda- What other name starts with a G?

BTS- Glad you enjoyed. :-) The huffenmeyers just might make an appearance on the fiction blog one of these days, so stay tuned!