Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Top Ten Ways To End A Bad Date

This top ten list was actually something I've been meaning to write since I started this blog.

My mother knows a girl who came home from a date and told her that the guy she was out with actually did what I wrote in number ten. Although I think ten is the least plausible item on this list, bear in mind that it actually happened.

Please also bear in mind that this list, as usual, is satisfaction guaranteed or your money back. And please bear in mind that BOSD and all affiliated parties (me;) are not responsible for the outcomes of any of the methods listed below:

A note from our sponsors: This list has been brought to you by Bas~Melech, who obviously knows the difference between a bad date and a good date. Thanks for your help my 'lil B-O-S!

10) Every time the car goes around a corner, say "vroooom vroooom vroooooooom!" You can lean in the direction of the turn.

9) Tell him/her "This is so much fun, it's almost like having real friends! Y'know, I don't have any friends and I'm enjoying this so much. Can we stay out another few hours?

8) Create a diversion. Vandalism works best. (Make sure to have your escape route planned beforehand.)

7) Burst into tears. If that doesn't work by itself, add an embarrassing explanation for your tears. ("Oh, I'm so sorry to be crying like this, but that last thing you said just made me realize how much I missed in my childhood...all because of my narcissist parents...[sob]")

6) Develop a serious and uncontrollable twitch.

5) Ask his opinion. Are nashim daitam kalos?

4) Partway through the date, switch over to another language. Yinglish is my personal preference. ("Yoish, did I tell you the story about when I cut up my brother a salad?")

3) "Can you repeat that again? I'm really only dating to gather data for my sociology paper and I want to include that last comment in my report."

2) Talk back to the voices you keep hearing deep inside your head.

1) If all else fails, simply say, "Ok, I think I've seen enough. Let's make like a banana and split."

12 comments:

itsagift said...

Hilarious! Though I really (almost) can't believe someone really did #10!!
#4 and 3 are my favorites! Not to really do - but just to read about them and laugh!!!
Btw, maybe you should put out a book with all your blog posts - you are really good! I'd def buy it!

Admiral said...

I like to make vroom noises when I drive my car. The same as how I make airplane noises when I go up or down the stairs. I probably wouldn't do it on a date though. Unless the date were going really well.

Anonymous said...

Funny!
You can also say, "I'm not feeling well. I have a headache/stomachache..." Done it b4 when the guy was really not for me and it worked...

Rachelli Dreyfuss said...

They all cracked me up, but 2 and 10 are my favorite! Thanks for making me laugh!

thinking out loud said...

great list!
i hope i remember #4 when i need it... oh, and #9 ;)

Mikeinmidwood said...

I have to 7 is my favorite, I just dont know if it will work, sometimes people feel sympathetic and try to comfort you and that can backfire.

little miss perfect! said...

...considering you've never been on a date, this list is awesome;).

Bas~Melech said...

Hmph. I liked my version better, but I'm still not above taking credit for my participation in this list.

Only one I ever tried was #1, just in gentler terms. Worked like a charm, shortest date ever. I guess it was convenient that he agreed, or it might not have been so smooth...

Something Different said...

IAG- I know, it is rather hard to believe.... And thanks for the compliment. I don't know what kind of a book BOSD would make, but if I ever write a book I'll autograph your copy!

Admiral- LOL, why do I have a feeling you are a guy??

Anon- Yeah, but that would be overwhelmingly simple. :-P

RD- Two cracks me up every time I think of it, but really its a little mean of me. Have you ever seen a psychotic person? :-/
Glad I made you laugh!

TOL- Hey if you hang around with me long enough you'll be speaking yinglish as your first language.... (Alternatively you can switch to a real foreign language such as, oh, say... spanish? :-P)

MIM- LOL, I guess you can burst in to tears as a test to see how sympathetic the guy is. Though I have to say that if a guy did it on a date the girl would probably be totally flabbergasted. Lol.

LMP- Hmph. How dare you give away all of my secrets?!

B~M- Oh man, I am REALLY sorry. I really meant to put a thank you in to the post.... better late than never?

Single on the Scene said...

How bout make an excuse? e.g. I have an exam tomorrow, I have an appt really early, I have to go 2 my 2nd cousin's bris, etc. OR! if the minute the guy walks in you KNOW it ain't gonna happen-u have good family who CALL UR CELLPHONE to save u the excuse-oish! its my family, there's an emergency and I HAVTA go home, I'm sooooo sorry!!!

sporadicintelligence said...

Me and the girl your mother knows must have gone out with the same guy, cause #10 happened to me too...only when he sped up though...he's still around, drives a nice car if it's any consolation

Something Different said...

SOTS- Yeah, that works but it's so boring. Oh, and way too practical for me. ;-)

SI- Did you go out with any 40 year old guys? Cuz that story happened about 15-20 years ago. LOL.
But gosh that must have creeped you out...