While not a true Top Ten list, I figured this was perfectly appropriate for the occasion. Feel free to add more. Unlike the real ones, there isn't a prohibition of Ba'al tosif. ;-)
With thanks, once again, to Bad4, for her help:
1) Thou shalt not have skeletons in thy family's closet.
2) Thou shalt not be caught out of thine house without a full face of makeup.
3) Thou shalt not wear long skirts.
4) Thou shalt not stick out from the crowd by wearing bright colors.
5) Thou shall be a special Ed teacher, therapist, nurse or accountant.
6) Thou shalt not be fat.
7) Thou shall meet every shadchan in a ten million mile radius of thine house.
8) Thou shalt not have unusual or controversial opinions.
9) Thou shall politely accept all strange, off-color, and rude advice offered by old women in black who deem themselves Shadchanim.
10) Thou shall be forever optimistic about every possible match suggested to thee.