Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Professional Shadchan: A Study in Egos

(Please note: I wrote this post right before I officially became "in shidduchim")

The professional Shadchan, or PS, is a bit of a mystery. I mean, they need to make a number of shudduchim in order to be considered a PS, but you never seem to actually hear of them.
I have obviously never been to a PS. I have had some run-ins with NS's and quite a number of WMS, but I have yet to meet a PS. Well, one of my friend's mothers is a PS, but I try to stay away from her. She has this way of looking at me that makes me nervous.....
So all of this is going to be totally made up, and I hope you're ok with that.
I'll tell you a story about a PS, related to me by my sister, MG (Madame Genius, who's shidduch was made by a friend.)
She went to one of The Major Shadchanim for a meeting. She spent a lot of time making herself up to resemble the picture she was bringing with her, which naturally looked nothing like herself. She drove quite a distance, arrived right on time, and together with my mother, took big gulps of fresh air before knocking on the door of the lion's den.
They went in, amidst careful scrutiny by the PS, and sat down in his study. He glanced at her 'resume', asked a few questions, and then he glared at her. She claims she could visibly notice his head swell up at that point. He pointed at an enormous stack of papers that was threatening to engulf his desk. "See that?" he said, "those are the girls." My mother, a real novice at the whole thing, had the guts to ask "Where are the boys?" "The boys?" he glowered, "you want to know where the boys are?" He held up a solitary post-it note. "These are the boys."
Couldn't he have toned it down a little, have some pity on my poor sister, my poor mother? Of course he couldn't! You see, the message that the PS has to get across is:
I'm great. You're grime.
He/she needs to feel like they are the top of the world....or even more, that the entire world rest on them. They feel that the continuity of the entire Jewish nation rests on their shoulders, or rather in their hands. But they forgot that there is a G-d running the world, and that He can orchestrate a shidduch through another medium.
Then there is also the anomoly of the PS. They make hundreds of shidduchim, don't they? So why don't we find that most shidduchim are made by a PS? How come I know a grand total of ONE person who met her bashert through a PS?
I'll conclude with one final story about a PS. I know a girl who was under a lot of pressure to see a certain PS. She was told that if she wanted to marry a boy from a particular yeshivah, she HAD to go and see Mrs. PS, "The Official Shadchan" of "The Yeshivah." She didn't want to go, and kept pushing it off. "I guess I won't be marrying someone from that yeshivah..." Anyway, a neighbor of her's had a friend who had a son who was she thought would be a great shidduch for this girl. They are happily married now. And yes, you guessed it. This boy went to that yeshivah, and despite all the naysayers, she managed to get herself married to a boy from that yeshivah without having ever meeting with Mrs. PS.

Moral of the story: well I'm not sure there is one, but I guess you can see I don't plan to be visiting with any PS's in the near future...


muse said...

G-d willing, lots of siyate d'shamya.

Shabbat Shalom

nmf #7 said...

Can I give one nice thing to the PS? I had nothing but fairly nice experiences with them...although, I met Mr. NMF through a totally different fashion.

Something Different said...


NMF- You and everyone else I know...explain?