Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Some Random Observations on Purim

Megillah reading in a yeshivah is waay too long:
I mean, I enjoyed the Hamans. It was hilarious having a variety of animal noises to blot out the name of that famous rashah. And the party snappers and foghorns were quite amusing at times. And my sisters and I (with the exception of MP) were laughing when all the bochurim cheered at the hanging of haman.
I really can't talk, because I don't fast (did I mention I have diabetes?;) but IMO an hour long Megillah leining is much too long.

Drunk boys should not expect to get money:
Some very drunk boys banged on my car to ask for money. Now, the act of banging on my car while it was in motion was very dangerous, and that alone was enough to make me realize that these boys were not in full control of their senses. It didn't help their chances that one of the group was rolling on the ground and all of them were looking very vacant. Seriously, giving them money would have been equal to burning it. They seemed too drunk to recognize money if they did get any. Maybe a designated driver isn't enough. They probably need a designated collector too.

Costumes on girls are bad for shidduchim:
Who decided that? Can I change the rules? I declare that a lack of sense of humor is bad for shidduchim. Why should people think I am (slightly) strange if I want to walk around with a costume on? Well, maybe I am strange. I dressed up, and had a whole act to go with my costume. It was appreciated by most, even if I got some weird stares from some people and blank looks from others.

Men get to have much more fun on Purim:
Men get to dance and sing and drink and have a blast on Purim. Women get to deliver asthetically pleasing, cleverly themed, beautifully wrapped shalach manos on Purim. Um? ERA anyone?

There are a lot of benefits to being drunk:
1) you get to say whatever you want and nobody thinks you are weird.
2) you get to act really stupid and nobody thinks you are weird.
3) nobody tells you that it's bad for shidduchim to act that way. (Though I suspect they would react differently if it was a woman who was drunk.)
4) apparently being drunk gives you a license to talk really loudly.
5) you get to make the sober women drive you home from the Purim seudah, even of they are on 2 hours of sleep and the ride home is 2 hours, because they are scared you will attempt to drive and get arrested for DWI and they will need to come and bail you out of jail.

There are also benefits to being sober:
1) you can video the drunk men and sell the videos back to the men and make a considerable profit.
2) you have actual memories of Purim, not videos that you aquired for a steep fee.

There are ways to get drunk and there are ways to get drunk:
My brother gets totally spiritual when drunk. My mother sheps a lot of nachas from him. He stood up every two or three minutes during the Purim seudah to say (in a very loud voice) another "moiredike vort from the heilige rebbe from....." I'm not sure at what point he became chasidish, but once he did, it wasn't far from there to become a rebbe. I'm not either sure at what point he switched to become a chazzan. But he went outside, got up on top of his car and started doing yom kippur style chazzanus. He was also very heavy handed in his distribution of brachos. I got one that went on for about fifteen minutes and included everything anyone could want.
Then there are the rolling around on the ground from your drunkenness kind of people. The ones who make you nauseous and wish you hadn't seen that.
And then of course there are the out-cold kind of drunkards. But I gotta say, if you're gonna get drunk, do it gracefully. ;)

If you give a funny shalach manos that people talk about, don't expect to be able to post pictures of it on your blog the next day:
I had every intention of posting pictures of my mishloach manos on here today along with the poem I wrote for it, but I recieved too many phone calls, texts and IMs from friends saying that they LOVED my shalach manos and that they showed it to EVERYONE and they were laughing SO hard and now it is SOOO famous... So I have decided not to post it. Sorry. :-P

36 comments:

Child Ish Behavior said...

you make some excellent points. I don't think I could agree with you more. You need a fast megilla liening.While drunk and giving brochos. Amain.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Same here, my costume too.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

Drunk boys are dangerous. Especially when they see girls... You gotta be careful next time!

Yesterday I've seen one girl in a costume although it was just a little bit of a costume - if I wasn't in a hurry and on the phone I'd definitely ask her name and # number! (I was sober too)

Your brother is crazy - getting up on top of the car when drunk - how did you let him do that?

Regarding photos - your decision is not fair - don't forget that there many people who may know you only through second or even third person (like I am) and not have a chance to see your funny shaloch mones! So please share your pics!

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

ps - how's appellation goes?

Something Different said...

CIB- nothing you disagree with? Wow...

MIM- what bout your costume?

BTS- that freaked me out. I'm glad this is AFTER Purim.
Was it me in the costume? ;)
My bro was very entertaining. But in truth he's a big guy and we couldn't get him off the car if we wanted to.
If you really wanna see my shalach manos email me proof that we don't know any of the same people and I'll email you pics. It is a shame cuz I would have liked to post the pics...

BigChamor21 said...

I would tell you some stories about my chosson but I know u dont want to hear so....
our megilla took 21 minutes.
i dont understand why i didnt get pictures of your shlach manos yet.

Inspired said...

Looks like you had an awesome Purim :)

I'm curious about your mishloach manos, email me the pics;)

Something Different said...

BC- WELCOME BACK! ;)
Of course I want to hear all about your chosson! What do you think I AM?
But did yours have animal noises during the Hamans?
I would say the most logical explanation for that is that I haven't sent any yet. You are supposed to remind me!

Insp- I did. How'd you figure it out? (I suspect my brilliant costume had something to do with that...:-p)
Yeah, you'd love my shalach manos, right up your alley. Remind me...

Anyone else who is reading this: email me of you wanna see it... No promises but we can negotiate... ;)

EsPes said...

i dressed up on purim!!! maybe thats why im not married?? lol

i want to see ur shaloch manos! email me a pic! :-)

Mikeinmidwood said...

My shaloch manot was greatm and so was my costume this year, very original, cant share.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

@SD - there's always a possibility... Were that you sitting in the liqueur store door (inside) on ave J at around 5:30PM??? :)

Would Glenlivet 80 proof work? Or you need something over 100?

I still don't get why is it a shame?

Something Different said...

EP- you hit the nail on the head. Shame on you- don't you even want to get married? ;)
If you wanna see it, email me justablob@gmail.com with proof that you don't know me...or any of my friends... ;)

MIM- my costume was awesome too. 'Fraid I can't share it either.

Something Different said...

BTS- no I don't think I stepped into a liquer store all Purim.. My costume was probably funnier than hers anyway. ;)
It's a shame cuz the blogosphere would have enjoyed it...

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

@SD - unfortunately?

if it would've enjoyed it's not a shame anymore. It's proud to have something other's would enjoy!

Check your email.

Something Different said...

BTS- I am proud to have something others would enjoy, but it's a shame I can't share it with people. :-/

BigChamor21 said...

I think I sent you enough reminders. Nevermind, I can live without seeing it.

Something Different said...

BC21- ROFL. You know me too well.....You will find the virtual shalach manos in your inbox as soon as i get home... (so still don't hold your breath... :-p)

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

SD - you still didn't say WHY is it shame?

(I just don't want to freak you reminding to send me pics :] )

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

1- I agree with you about Megillah
2- I agree with you about Drunk boys, and I still don't see why they are appealed to drink.

3- I can understand both sides to the costume. See it really depends what you wear. I've seen people's costumes, they use Purim as on opportunity to dress inappropriate with an excuse that it's a "costume". I know you wouldn't dress that way, so I'm sure your costume was fine.

4- I disagree, I like the woman's job much better. And that's coming from someone who has a "male brain".

5-I've never seen a drunk man

6-Sounds good.

7-correction, I have seen a drunk man, I saw someone throwing up once on purim, but I didn't know who they are, and hadn't talked to them, so it doesn't really count as an encounter with a drunk person.

8-such a shame that you can't share what your shaloch manos was. I was getting curious. But great that they loved it, I'm sure it was adorable.

Something Different said...

BTS- YOur pics will come...I still haven't had a second to upload them...

JSB- You have never seen your father or brothers drunk? So what do they drink on purim? Diet coke?!

EsPes said...

i think we should start a count of all the things the babysitter hasnt done/seen...
1.gotten a manicure
2.wore high heels
3.interacted with a drunk person

got any more to add?

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

EsPes - she didn't eat dried fish at Moshe's by blogger's meet up on Shabbos

PS. keep this list somewhere in well findable place plz.

EsPes said...

dude- ew i wouldnt do that either and im very adventurous!

dont fret-this list is being saved on my comp... feel free to add

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

Something Different: my brothers and fathers don't drink! we have grapejuice on shabbos and Pesach and Purim and all other times.

Espes: you make me laugh :-)

Perhaps I should add this to a sidebar on my blog.

I have a good idea now, thanx!

BTS: Did you mean fried fish?

I'm gonna add it to my blog so you'll always be able to find it. I'll also put links and stuff to which post on blogosphere they link up to.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

@SD - I believe I thanked you for pics in the email reply, but just in case Thank you again!

@JSB - I see your list is growing. 7 items already! One day you can put it on shidduch proposal...

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

@EsPes if you are adventurous you will try it!

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

BTS: on a shidduch proposal? I thought the guy is the one that proposes? and how does that connect?

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

JSB I meant to say resume

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

BTS: ahh, lol, sounds like my little brother and sister, always telling me what I can add to my shidduch profile.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

JSB - what's your little broser's phone number? Gotta talk to him... ;)

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

BTS: lol, when I say little, I mean little. He's 12 years old, I'd rather him stay out of my shidduch related life.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

JSB - nah, he's probably the best source! Who else would not think of what is appropriate to tell and what is not? The best source for truth!

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

BTS: lol, he's not a naiive young child, he's a 50 year old trapped in a 12 year old's body.

He used to write in a blog, want to see it?

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

JSOB - so if he's 50 y/o then he's seen enough in this life to give a good essay about you ;) haha

Yeah, send me a link to his post - I'll add it to my frum folder in the google reader

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

BTS: ahh but he doesn't have the experience to go along with the mindset.

I dunno if I should be embarrassed of what he wrote or not. Just keep in mind it's from over a year ago, and it stopped, so no point in adding it to google reader.
This was his blog.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

JSOB - Thanks, i'll chack it out. No need to be embarrassed - I try not to think of people bad in any situation