Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Murphy's Law At Weddings

Murphy's law, while commonly discussed in our society, doesn't actually play out to the fullest extent on a day to day basis. In fact, if I were in a more serious mood, I'd probably point out that we generally think things are awful, simply because we don't stop and think how much worse they could be.

If given the task of imagining the wildest, least likely, and all-together insane thing that good 'ol Murphy would cunningly carry out at a wedding, what comes to mind?

Obviously, I don't mean horrific tragedies like some I've heard over the years. I mean the kind I stories that you'll one day look back at...and laugh.

I once heard a story that I thought was a classic portrayal of Murphy's influence on a wedding ceremony. The following was recounted by a friend, whom I met only after her wedding, so while I didn't actually see it, I heard it from the kallah herself.

The night before her wedding, my friend was leaving the house, tripped on the dark stairs, and fell. As is often the case, my friend put her hands out to stop the fall, so her hands bore the brunt of the impact. They got a bit scraped, but didn't look too bad. She went to sleep, hoping to wake up and find they had completely healed.

Unfortunately, the opposite occurred. She woke up to stinging pain in her hands. She looked down, and felt a sinking feeling of total dread, as she saw the swollen, pussy, infected appendages that had just yesterday been her hands.

While many girls spend the morning of their wedding in prayer, others in nervous anticipation, my friend spent the morning of her wedding at the doctor's office, having her hands bandaged. And, I think the worlds greatest Dan lekaf zechus story took place when friends, classmates, and relatives came in and wondered why she was wearing elegant white gloves to her wedding. "Why is she trying to be so fancy?" "It looks so goyish!" Little did they know that when they shook my friend's hand, or grabbed them to dance, they stung from terrible pain.

A kallah at the doctor's office on the day of her wedding? Can it get worse? Apparently, it can.

As I mentioned yesterday, BigChamor got married last night. I THOUGHT Murphy's law had played out when she spent the entire shabbos talking about her imminent cold. Then I was sure Murphy's law was here when she woke up Sunday morning and announced "it's here!" Monday morning, when she texted me that she had a sinus infection, I was sure it couldn't get worse. Later in the day, I got a text from my bridosapien friend saying "I have a nosebleed." I was horrified. "if that happens at the wedding ur gonna get it all over ur gown and ur chosson is gonna think u murdered someone."

I THOUGHT I was joking. But a couple minutes into first dance, as the kallah glided gracefully, albeit quickly off the dance floor and into the bathroom, I realized this was no joke. Her nosebleed had returned. They got it stopped, and the kallah returned. She danced a bit, and then her nose struck again. Once again, midway through dancing, the Kallah left the dance floor to take care of her nose.

By the third time around, it was no longer ignorable. This time, she didn't go off on her own, but was dragged off by some family members. People continued to dance, figuring that she would be back any minute. Her sister came over notified me otherwise. "They took her to the hospital to have her nose cauterized."

Speaking of Murphy.

She finally came back, and I went to dance with her. "SD, look!" she whispered. And right there, in the center of the dance circle, the Kallah lifted her sleeve just a drop, enough for me to peek in and see. There was a hospital bracelet around her wrist!

A chosson lifted up to see his kallah over the mechitza, only to see a bunch of girls merrily dancing around nothing? An emergency room tech asking a girl in a white gown and a veil "are you the bride?"? A hospital bracelet competing with the kallah bracelet for space on the kallah's wrist? I'd say murphey played a part in all this.

Naturally, the kallah found a bright side, as she whispered to me, after dancing had ended, "well, at least you'll get a great post out of it!"

Has anyone ever been at a wedding where Murphey was in attendance? What happened?

10 comments:

chanie said...

FYI (and too bad she didn't know this)...if you have a nosebleed in your left nostril, lift your right arm- and vice versa- and the bleeding will stop. You'll still need a tissue to dab at what's already come out, but the bleeding will stop. I don't know how it works, but it does (I've used it myself a few times).

Tried and true- and seen in A.Stav's article in the Hamodia (just so that the credit for this piece of brilliance goes where it should)...

Frayda said...

My husband got into a car accident the day of our wedding. He had to go to the ER to get checked out. The staff at the hospital got him in and out really quick. He couldn't really dance because of his back pain but the wedding went smoothly otherwise.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Ive been to a bar mitzvah were it played out, the little bochur got hit in the face by some rowdy dancer and he was bleeding from his nose.

There was another time I saw a kid of about 2 years old get a hard hit by an older guy at a wedding, kind of like the video of the kid being kicked by a breakdancer this little one was tossed like a toy doll, the ambulence came and drove the kid to hospital, he was alright.

Mikeinmidwood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
thinking out loud said...

omg, Murphey's not so nice, is he?
and how's BC now?

Inspired said...

Unbelievable!! How long did this ordeal take?

I've heard of a Kallah breaking her leg a week before her wedding...
Murphy's law indeed.

The Kosher Bride said...

I was once at a wedding where everything seemed to be going smoothly. The grandparents marched down the aisle, the siblings followed, the nieces and nephews sashayed their way down, the choson was shuckling up under the chupah waiting for the kallah. Well, he waited some more. Then a little more. The band was not quite sure what song to play and so layed the same one over and over. Nobody was quite sure what was taking so long and I am sure the poor guy was getting sort of nervous she might not appear after all. Suddeny she appeared and things proceeded as usual. Turns out she was so nervous she had to go to the bathroom and had to get out of her dress to do so. The entire in and out of gown process took a good fifteen minutes.

itsagift said...

My (second-to-oldest) sister broke her foot at my (oldest) sister's wedding. This was during the dancing. Apparently, someone was having a great time dancing and didn't realize that she stepped real hard on my sister's foot. So instead of returning home for a good night's sleep after the wedding, my mother and sister headed to the emergency room...

G6 said...

Excellent post!
I've nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger award.

Something Different said...

Chanie- I dunno, if cauterizing it barely helped.....

Frayda- Oh man, thats bad! Did you freak out? I would have...

MIM- Funny you mention that, cuz till now I forgot about my oldest brother's bar mitzvah, where something similar happened. Mind you the guy's head didnt split open, but he had a gash on his forehead in all the pictures.

TOL- He never was, dintcha know?
And I think she is good, but she's in a bit of a bubble so I wouldn't know...LOL. Kidding...

Insp- Almost all of dancing...

TKB- Oy vey, that's horrible. And funny...lol

IAG- Oh gosh. That's awful. How did she make it through the rest of the wedding?

G6- Oh hey, thanks. :-) I'll have to get to that...it might take me some time though...