Thursday, May 14, 2009

Bridal Showers and Wedding Flowers

I ask you to look deep into the recesses of your mind and try to contemplate the perplexities of the following.
Why do we make bridal showers? What is the point?
Are we making it for the kallah? That busy girl who doesn't have the mental capacity to formulate even one sentence that doesn't start with the words "my chosson said"? Do we really think she cares for these things?
Is it for the kallah's friends? Cuz people certainly enjoy getting together and pretending not to be hungry while picking at salads with exotic names and even more exotic ingredients, huh? (Though I am proud that I once showed up at a shower with a caramel cheesecake that made everyone forget their diets and fight over the last remaining morsels. :-D)
So what is the point? Why do we do it? Who needs it?
My engaged friend recently told a few of us that she doesn't want a shower. "Just buy me a present" (I couldn't have said it better myself!) Another friend pointed out that it might be a little presumptuous of us to ask people for money but not invite them to an event to go with it.
I disagreed. "I'd be willing to give double the money if I didn't need to show up at a dumb shower." I'm not sure if the others were in agreement or not, but she isn't having a shower so that must tell you something.

Another problem with showers: why do we try to surprise the kallah? What makes you think she isn't going out with her chosson? Or that she doesn't have a sheitel macher appointment or something? or maybe (gasp) she has prior arrangements that are not centered around her impending wedding ceremony?
Also, in the rare case that you actually have her surprised (as opposed to having her feign shock) ask yourself; is it really fair to her? Everyone else has ample warning, and is able to make herself look presentable. The kallah, on the other hand, (remember this is a hypothetical situation) shows up to 'pick something up' from her friend's house, looking quite disheveled. Suddenly, the cameras flash, the music goes on, and then.....she finds her casually-clad self in the midst of a social frenzy. Then again, any girl who is soon-to-be-married and doesn't see a shower coming when she finds friends making excuses to invite her over, truly deserves the kallah stereotype.
So why DO we make showers? My guess is the fancy paper goods manufacturers are behind all this. It's a conspiracy, and we fall for it- hook line and sinker.


Scraps said...

I like showers that are more informal and fun, like the one I went to last night for a friend. It wasn't a surprise (thank G-d) and there was no minimum donation or whatever; each friend was free to buy whatever she wanted as a gift, though the girls hosting the shower let everyone else know where the kallah is registered. (This also took a lot of pressure off the hostesses, as they were not responsible for buying all the gifts ahead of time, collecting money, etc.) They made an ice-cream bar and brownies and cupcakes and had fruit for the poor souls who were trying to be healthy. I think it was one of the most enjoyable showers I've ever gone to. :)

I think that people make showers to ensure that kallahs will get at least some of the stuff they need before they're married and to give the friends an "easy" forum in which to present these gifts. However, more often I agree they are just plain annoying.

Child אִישׁ Behavior said...

This post is typical 'buzz kill'. It's like someone being angry that weddings happen, I mean why not have just a small ceremony with 10 people and get it over with. Come on, it sounds to me like it is meant to be the Kallah's version of an Of Ruf. The Chassan gets a party, and the Kallah gets one too.

Something Different said...

Scraps- the formal showers are the ones I meant here. This one you describe most definitely sounds like an exception. The formality is the part about the showers I hate so much. If it is just a few close friends that's a blast.

CIB- you are not qualified to write about that, since you have obviously never attended a bridal shower. The shower is nothing like the auf ruf. Are you thinking of the shabbos kallah? Cuz those are the pits too, but probably only for a hermit like me who would rather spend shabbos afternoon with a good book than a bunch of dressed-up peers...

Inspired said...

One hassle less for me;)

Mikeinmidwood said...

From my point of view, bridal showers are a great way to show how close of a friend to the kallah you are. The closer the friend the more picture taken with the gift and the kallah and the better the gift it is.

nmf #7 said...

Uggh. You echoed my feelings exactly on a formal shower. Plus the feeling of the kallah as she stands up there oohing and ahhing over presents (if you're wondering- mortified, embarassed, and how exactly do you oooh over a set of pots.), and the hat. Don't get me started on the hat.

Oh and Child Ish- that's what a Shabbos Kallah is for- relaxed, and being m'sameach the kalla.

Something Different said...

Insp- my IRL friends don't know my diabetes friends or my blogging friends, so either way you wouldn't be invited... you lucky thing. Maybe I will hide out at your house the night of my shower... :-D

MIM- no, not really. The closer the friend the more work you are expected to do to prepeare for it. I would rather people think that I am not freinds with the kallah at all, then I could just not show up all together. lol

NMF- I guess you would be more experienced about how one feels as they stand there making a total fool of themselves about things like drain-de-cloggers and colorful sponges.
But what hat? Please get started... :-)

frumcollegegirl said...

oho the shower-one of the most hated events i have to go to...

i told my friends that if i'm ever reduced to getting excited over sponges, they should shoot me on the spot

and i started telling them two years ago that i will not do the hat thing

nmf #7 said...

Basically, stemming from the secular society, at a bridal shower, as the bride or kallah is opening her presents, which are beautifully wrapped, someone in the audience will go get a plain white paper plate.

On that said plate, the audience will then artistically drape, wrap, and cover it with the shreds and scraps of the wrapping paper and ribbons that the kallah, or bride, has just opened.

The ensamble is completed with a ribbon to hold said plate on kallah's head, and then kallah is expected to try on the plate/hat in front of EVERYONE, so they can remark on how cute she looks with a plate covered in artisticly folded wrapping paper on her head.

Here's a picture of someone who was forced to wear one of those.

Need I say it again: UGGH.

Something Different said...

FCG- invite me to your shower. I'd be happy to help with that.

NMF- oh gosh. Can you imagine I've never heard of that? Perhaps because I've attended a grand total of three showers? (Did I mention I hate them?;)
Man that's gotta be the worlds dumbest thing.
Thanks for clarifying. :-)

The Child Inside said...

I haven't been to many showers yet either but I've seen the hat thing done at kiddy birthday parties. Seems too silly for adults though.

Something Different said...

TCI- oh, you just wait. Coming from an old pro party pooper, showers are the pits.