Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Top Ten Signs It's Erev Pesach

10) You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of screams coming from your mother's room. "No! No! You can't eat out of the kitchen!!"

9) Supper: two boxes of whole wheat pasta, a package of spelt orzo, three cans of beets, raisin bran-sans milk, and a small container of leftover-then-frozen breaded chicken cutlets.

8) Cleaning ladies clutter the streets, trudging home, barely visible under the huge garbage bags full of leftover Purim junk.

7) If you want to buy a bag of pretzels you have to hunt it down in the corner of aisle 48, behind huge red letters proclaiming "CHOMETZ"

6) If you want to actually EAT those pretzels you have to disinfect your hands, mouth and clothes before re-entering the house.

5) You find yourself humming "Pharao b'pajamas b'emtzah halayla."

4) You find "No chometz past this point" signs on every door of the house.

3) You are unsure if you want to kiss or strangle the guy who reminds you that the inyan of chometz involves no mention of spring cleaning, sorting through piles of too-small clothes, and flipping through old photographs.

2) You catch your mother feverishly flipping through her copy of "one million and one ways to cook a potato," muttering to herself about chumrahs and picky eaters.

1) You laugh at the irony of celebrating the festival of redemption and freedom by enslaving yourself with unnecessary work, but you won't do anything to change that.


Data said...

YOU ONLY HAVE TO DO THE KITCHEN! According to Rabbi Yisroel Reisman.

inkstainedhands said...

I have another one.

No matter how many Jewish stores you visit, you cannot find a single box of hamatashen. (And yes, I have tried.) All you find is a bunch of things made out of potato starch that you don't even want to eat on Pesach, so why would you want to eat it a week in advance? I think there is some sort of a conspiracy to starve us for longer than necessary.

Something Different said...

Data- True, except in my case, the majority of my eating takes place at my desk in my bedroom. I have an entire drawer of food that I almost forgot to clean out. Lol.

ISH- COme to my house. My mother is throwing the last few out today, they were frozen since they were baked and probably still quite good.

itsagift said...

Did you hear about the chometz dance? Before entering the house, you have to jump and and down wildly while brushing your hands on your clothes to make sure you are chometz-free. It's a hysterical dance!!

IMHO, people spend much more time doing spring cleaning than pesach cleaning. All you really have to do is make sure there are no crumbs anywhere-but then how would you organize your house if you didn't have this once-a-year chance to go through everything and throw out all your junk?!

My favorite part of pesach/spring cleaning is going down memory lane-cuz I'm a saver and have a hard time throwing things out. So it takes me forever to do my drawers and closets because of all my finds...but this year I actually brought myself to chuck some things in the garbage. Yippeee! Horray for me!

Something Different said...

IAG- Yeah, my family used to be all into the chometz dance, lol.

SternGrad said...

I recently discovered your blog and wanted to say that I really enjoyed this post.

I actually laughed out loud when I read #2 and had to call my mother and she got a good laugh as well. It seems all we eat on Pesach are different forms of Potatos!