10) You wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of screams coming from your mother's room. "No! No! You can't eat out of the kitchen!!"
9) Supper: two boxes of whole wheat pasta, a package of spelt orzo, three cans of beets, raisin bran-sans milk, and a small container of leftover-then-frozen breaded chicken cutlets.
8) Cleaning ladies clutter the streets, trudging home, barely visible under the huge garbage bags full of leftover Purim junk.
7) If you want to buy a bag of pretzels you have to hunt it down in the corner of aisle 48, behind huge red letters proclaiming "CHOMETZ"
6) If you want to actually EAT those pretzels you have to disinfect your hands, mouth and clothes before re-entering the house.
5) You find yourself humming "Pharao b'pajamas b'emtzah halayla."
4) You find "No chometz past this point" signs on every door of the house.
3) You are unsure if you want to kiss or strangle the guy who reminds you that the inyan of chometz involves no mention of spring cleaning, sorting through piles of too-small clothes, and flipping through old photographs.
2) You catch your mother feverishly flipping through her copy of "one million and one ways to cook a potato," muttering to herself about chumrahs and picky eaters.
1) You laugh at the irony of celebrating the festival of redemption and freedom by enslaving yourself with unnecessary work, but you won't do anything to change that.