Why you might find my blog disappointing

Or maybe, for some people, refreshing. (Something different...)
You see, my blog really IS something different. Most of the blogs you see that are written by a girl in shiduchim are actually written by girls in shiduchim. Not mine. I just fake it. I
Am not in shiduchim, and judging by the amount of people that have redt me shiduchim this far, once MP gets engaged I won't have much to say on the topic of shiduchim either. I'm not like my sister, MP, where we can serve the same cookies to three different boys. (yes, she really does run thru them that fast!) Nor am I like her in the sense that I will be turning down so many boys. (I have a post written about that but I need to fix it a little before I post it.) And in general I am not the type to such exciting stories happen to me on dates. Unless of course, it's something horrid happening to me. I can just see myself getting a nosebleed on a date. Or maybe tripping and falling and banging up my knees and ripping my tights and getting my suit all dirty is more my type of thing. Either way, I can tell you this.
I am terrified of dating.
Yep. I really am. Most people are afraid of the unknown, but I am worse than most people. I get very tense and nervous when I am not 100% sure of what's coming. So you can imagine how I feel about dating. It's strange to begin with. I mean, I spent four years in high school learning about how bad it is to talk to boys and completely isolating myself from any contact with boys. Suddenly, it's like- here! Go out with this guy!! Have fun! Don't worry about spending a night with what will likely turn out to be someone else's husband... Just get to know each other! Isn't that a contradiction of what we've been taught? Weird, no? Add to that the Dating horror stories I hear and you have one terrified little blob. I told my mother, I need to go on just ONE date to know what it's like and be less tense....but...MP has a list of boys to ditch and this light ain't turning green all that fast...

Use Your Brains!

Why don't people ever THINK?? It is so frustrating sometimes! Like today, I got the following text three times:

SPRINT FREE-MSG: All Sprint Customers send this message to ten people and sprint will credit your account $60.00* both billing or prepaid Happy Holiday!

Hello? Think about what you are writing.

a) This basically would mean that sprint is willing to give $60 to every customer they have. Which would mean sprint loosing millions of dollars. Why would they do that?

b) (This is the more important one) Do you really want sprint to know how many times you sent this message? Do you realize that would mean sprint knowing exactly which messages you sent to whom and what the context was? Think about that. If sprint really knew what all of our messages said, I would be the first one to block texting from my phone. Seriously. Hello?

Take these emails I get: 

"for every person you forward this to AOL will donate 5 cents to help cure my daughter" and all that other junk. Or what about: "Now forward this message and a really funny picture will pop up on your screen!" What is that insinuating? That this email will have the power to control my computer? Ooooh! That's a scary thought. I can just see why everyone would want to forward that...

Please, do me a favor. Next time you feel like an email you got was too good to be true, it probably was. And next time you think a text doesn't really make sense-it probably doesn't! Please! Use your brains! And if you are unsure, you can always check out snopes. They can help clarify things for you!

My Friend: Inspired

Inspired is a friend of mine. She is a fellow diabetic, and I rely on her to commiserate when I have diabetes related rants. We both find ourselves plagued by a common problem, which I alluded to in my previous post. So she was nice enough to explain about the way used test strips follow a diabetic, similar to the manner in which Mary's little lamb followed her around.

"When I need to test, I pull out my meter, stick in a strip, putt some blood on it, get a result, take out the strip, throw it out, and you're all done, right?

Not quite! Somehow, those pesky little strips make there way out of the garbage can and into the oddest places. I fold my newly washed sweaters and out pops-a test strip! When I am washing neggel vasser in the morning, i feel something on my hand...Yup! It's a test strip from my midnight test the night before. And when I am paying for something at the grocery store, I blush when out of my wallet pops-you guessed it! A used test strip! One comforting thing is that if I ever go missing I will know that they will find me really easily...they'll just follow the trail of test strips!"

Cleaning Your Room In 3,297 Easy Steps

1. Promise yourself you are not leaving the house until your room is cleaned.

2. Tell all your friends about your promise.

3. Push the stuff aside so you can open the door wide enough to get in.

4. Turn on the light.

5. Change the light bulbs.

6. Send your father out for more light bulbs.

7. Use the wrong kind until he can get to home depot.

8. Put in the light bulbs.

9. Ouch!

10. Turn off the light.

11. Put in the light bulbs.

12. Locate your bed.

13. Find clean linen.

14. Bribe your little sister to make your bed for you.

15. Smack your little sister.

16. Make the bed yourself.

17. Divide and conquer!

18. Choose the part of your room that looks easiest.

19. If none look easy pick the one that looks the least hard.

20. Take a bag and get rid of all garbage from on top of the dresser.

21. Put makeup back into makeup bag.

22. Blush because it's been two weeks since you last put on makeup.

23. Which means you couldn't find a spare minute in the last two weeks to put it away.

24. Look in mirror.

25. Make sure nose isn't growing.

26. Answer your friends texts.

27. Reply to her next text.

28. Check your email.

29. Respond to your emails.

30. Find something to eat.

31. Get back to work before I tell on you!

32. Pick up an April issue of the Mishpacha magazine.

33. Read through it.

34. Try to figure out why you still have it.

35. Chuck it regardless of your reason.

36. Pat yourself on the back for overcoming your tendency to save everything.

37. Treat yourself by reading your latest texts.

38. Forward the joke to all your contacts.

39. Get back to work!!

40. Open your top drawer.

41. Fold up your summer tee shirts.

42. Place in storage container for next summer.

43. Dream about loosing weight and not being able to wear them next summer.

44. Stop daydreaming or you will never finish!!!

45. Pick up 38 used blood sugar test strips from the bottom of your drawer.

46. Count them, just to prove you have no life.

47. Consider making a collage out of them.

48. Throw them out.

49. Wonder why the music isn't on.

50. Blast the music.

51. NOT a slow song.

52. Blast a fast song.

53. Fold your load of fresh sweaters.

54. Be grateful you have a cleaning lady.

55. Put the sweaters into the newly emptied drawers.

56. Pat yourself on the back!

57. One part down, a million parts left!

58. Look at the chair.

59. Groan.

60. Stop groaning, people are starving in africa.

61. Go eat supper.

62. Take two advils.

63. GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM!

64. Open your door.

65. Groan.

66. No! You didn't finish yet!

67. NO! The good fairy didn't come while you were eating supper.

68. Decide on your next plan of attack.

69. No! Going to sleep doesn't count!

70. Yes, clearing off the desk sounds like a good plan.

71. Provided you can find it.

72. Maybe you should look under that heap of junk.

73. Congrats!

74. That's your desk!

75. Um...wait...is it?

76. Yes! It definitely is! Now clear it off.

77. Take a garbage bag.

78. Throw out everything on your desk that you don't recognize.

79. Go to the kitchen.

80. Get some plastic gloves.

81. Resume throwing out that which you don't recognize.

82. Now throw out that which you didn't know you owned.

83. Now throw out everything you wouldn't want clogging up your life.

84. Look, there is your laptop!

85. DON'T turn it on.

86. Step away! I said DON'T!

87. Good! You can turn it on later.

88. Now figure out what you are going to do with the good stuff on there.

89. Think twice if you need everything on there.

90. Relax a minute.

91. It's time to attack the closet!!

92. No, you can't do it later.

93. Ok, if you insist you can work on the floor first.

94. You asked for this!

95. Yes, you really DO have to bend down!

96. Don't complain about your back! You aren't a grandmother!

97. Where are you going to put that?

98. And that?

99. And that?

100. And that?

101. And that?

102. And that?

103. And that........?

104. Yes, you do have to put EVERYTHING in place.

105. No, you should not leave this for so long.

106. Return your sister's crocs to her room and hope she doesn't realize that it was YOU who took them.

107. Return your brother's crocs to his room and hope he doesn't realize that it was YOU who took them.

108. Try on all your shoes "just to make sure they still fit"...

109. Line them all up neatly in the closet.

110. See? It's looking better already!

111. Take a bathroom break.

112. Sneak a peek at the texts you got since you last checked.

113. Promise yourself you will only answer ONE text.

114. Answer all five texts.

115. Try to convince yourself that you are not addicted to texting.

116. GET BACK TO WORK!

117. Where are you going to put that??

118. You're kidding, right?

119. You aren't really gonna keep that, are you?

120. Pick up some more used test strips from the floor.

121. No need to count them.

122. Yes, this room would be a lot easier to clean without all the stray diabetes paraphernalia to organize.

123. Ok, you really have to fold that laundry you did last week.

124. It doesn't matter if it's stuff you are putting away for next year.

125. You still need to fold it!

126. Fold it neatly or you will find yourself regretting it in a few months.

127. Put away summer clothes-again!

128. You may need some refreshments before attempting the closet.

Steps 129 through 3,297 are trade secrets, and I can't give them away. People might learn my super-efficient method of cleaning.

(Well, alright, that's not completely true. Well, it's not true at all. I didn't finish cleaning yet so I can't post the rest of the steps...)

OMGICZMJ!!

I love abbreviations. My ultimate dream is to make up an abbreviation for something that'll become a regular part of the English language, like LOL, IMHO, or OMG. You may have noticed (read: you'd have to be blind not to notice) that I enjoy making these up. I'm going to try to keep the BOSD glossary up to date, but if you notice one that I didn't include please let me know.

First prize goes to the one who can figure out what the title stands for!!

MY kind of humor...

Ok, a little explanation about my new blog layout is in order. I found this way too funny. Here's why:

(Scene: school shabbos, in the middle of the afternoon)

Me: Hi! Would you like some chocolate?

Sadly Misinformed Classmate: What? Why are you eating that??

Me: Oh. (Blushes) Well I know it's milk chocolate but I know that the school food is really bad so I didn't even taste it. I am still milchigs. (smug)

SMC: Oh. I didn't even notice that, and anyway, I am milchigs too. I just meant that.... (embarrassed)

Me: That what? (I have a feeling I know exactly what she is trying to say but I am not about to make it any easier for her.) 

SMC: Well doesn't it have sugar?

Me: (enjoying this:-D) Yes, it does. So?

SMC: You can't have sugar!

Me: (taking a bite of chocolate, with mouth very full) Can't I?

SMC: But don't you have......um....diabetes? 

Me: Yes. So?

SMC: So you can't have sugar!

Me: Yes I can! (takes another bite!) I can eat whatever I like!

Point is, people with diabetes not being able to eat any sugar is probably the biggest, and most annoying diabetes myth out there. If you read my post explaining what diabetes is all about then you know that whether something has sugar, or any other form of carbohydrates, it effects your blood sugar. I can eat sugar, just the same way I can eat cookies, rice cakes, fruit, challah, danishes, potatoes, rice, cakes, cookies and cupcakes. I wear in insulin pump which is connected to me at all times. If I want to eat anything with carbohydrates (sugar or otherwise), I push a few buttons on my pump and voila! I can eat it! Just like you! It's THAT simple! 

If you weren't sure until now whether or not I was crazy, here you go. This is SO my type of humor. There are probably people out there who think that my blood sugar will go high just by LOOKING at those cupcakes...It won't btw.

So if you have friends with diabetes, please realize that they can eat whatever they would like. Please also realize that they have a lot more experience taking care of people with diabetes than you do, and that they probably don't need your advice. For more info on what to say/not to say to people who have diabetes, you can watch this youtube video. Though it's meant for people who have diabetes, I think it can be interesting to others too. (I was going to link now to a page explaining the various myths regarding diabetes so I might have to write my own...even though I'm sure nobody wants to read it...lol)

(By the way, sorry that I keep changing the looks of a BOSD. I just need to get it right...)

EBM versus NIMBY

EBM, or everyone but me, is a syndrome that we find quite often plaguing the world. Everyone but me has cute shoes, everyone but me is talented, everyone but me has a million friends, Everyone's father but mine buys them their own car. Everyone but me goes on a date with a different "best bochur" every night. (is that a good thing???) Everyone. Ya right.
NIMBY, or not in my backyard, is sort of the opposite, but it actually goes hand in hand with EBM. There are people in this world who can't afford to buy shoes?? NIMBY! There are people in this world who live in an environment where they don't have the freedom to use their talents?? NIMBY! There are people in this world who cry themselves to sleep every night out of sheer loneliness?? NIMBY! There are people in this world who don't have any legs and therefore can't drive?? NIMBY! And there are people in this world who have never been on a date in their lives???? Absolutely NIMBY!!
Isn't it strange? We have ALL of these problems, yet the people who suffer so much more than us are NIMBY. Not in my backyard, not anywhere close enough to make me feel uncomfortable with my bounty of good.
Sometimes I think people would be so much happier if people would forget to complain about EBM, and at the same time realize that these things are IMBY (in my backyard). Doesn't it make things easier to internalize this?
(by the way, I am speaking to my little sister right now, because she thinks her life is the pits.)

You Vant Everyting?

My favorite joke in the world:

A shaddchan corners a yeshiva bochur and says, "Boy I have a girl for you!".

"Not interested", replies the bochur.

"But she's beautiful ! ", says the shaddchan

"Yeah?" says the bochur.

"Yes. And she's very rich too."

"Really?"

"And she has great yichus! From a very fine family."

"Sounds great." says the bochur. "But why would a girl like that want to marry me? . . . She'd have to be crazy."

Replies the shaddchan "Well, dats only a small thing, you can't expect everything!"

What is Black and White and Red(t) All Over?

My problem with the cookie cutter people (known here as More of the Same, or MOTS), is that they see things in black and white. 

She is good. She is bad.

He is smart. He is dumb.

They are frum. They are not.

Why should it be like this?

This girl from my grade met me the other night and told me she has a boy for me. I couldn't be rude, so I resisted my temptation to stick my fingers in my ears and yell "nyah nyah nyah nyah I'm not listening!" Instead I had to smile and say "oh really?" "Yes", she said. "He seems like a really sweet boy" "How do you know him?" I dared to ask. Bad move. "Well, over the yomim tovim I was staying in someone's house and they have a shul in their basement and he was doing construction down there." Am I dreaming? "Not for me, but thanks anyway" (for what???) "Oh, well I think he is a really nice boy and you should think about it." I was really getting upset by then, so I said "Really, that's not the type of boy I am looking for." That was apparently not the answer she was looking for. "Well he really made me think of you. (????) I mean, yes he was wearing jeans but he is still frum and everything!" I decided to end this painful conversation for once and for all. "I am looking for a learning boy, but thanks anyway." Her mouth dropped open at that point. SD looking for a learning boy? But she's so DIFFERENT! Right, I am different, but what does that have to do with anything? I mean, no, I don't want a cookie cutter, MOTS kind of guy. I am looking for a boy who learns because he loves Hashem and His torah and when (if?) he will go out to work he will still live his life around torah. But he will be different than the typical. So why is this weird? Maybe because I didn't care much about school? Maybe because I didn't go to the most academic seminary? Maybe because I am a little different? 

Or take my brother for example. He is a great guy with excellent middos. I seriously envy his wife, as he will be the most caring and considerate husband ever. But, he is really a perfect example of MOTS, the kind of person who sees things in black and white. 

"Oh, him? He is really modern. He probably can't even read hebrew!"

or "That boy is totally off the derech!" when in reality he is talking about a boy who left his yeshivah to learn in a less intense yeshivah. Is that so bad? Well it aint white so it must be.....

Black and White

(Answer: The best bochur in Lakewood...)

My OTHER blog, and a bit about diabetes

My Internet was down since last week, by the way, in case anyone was wondering why it took me so long to post again.

I am assuming that most of my (non existent) readers are not very interested in diabetes. But I have it. I deal with it daily, it's a part of me, a part of my daily routine. So when I have something to say that is heavy into the diabetes aspect of my life, it gets posted on: http://karpoozi123.blogspot.com/ When I have random dumb things to say they will go here.
Did anyone notice the common thread between my two blog names? One is called "floating down the karpoozi river" the other is "a blob of something different". They both come from the book the Twinkie Squad, by Gordon Korman. (Yes, I do need to grow up. Why do you mention it?)

The functions of my two (or should I say two of my-lol) blogs are actually opposites. If you read my other blog (not that I am recommending it) you might get a rather negative picture of diabetes. When I have something to rant about regarding diabetes, it goes up there. Like today my blood sugar was reall-oops, wrong blog! ;) On here I will explain to the world why diabetes is not so bad and everyone should be lining up to go out with me. 

(Btw, a note about my other blog: the intended audience is people with diabetes, not frum yidden. If you actually decide to read it you may wonder why it is written like that....)

I do want to explain a little bit about diabetes on here, just to clarify things.  Here is what diabetes is all about: (in point form...for those who've had a long day)

-There is an organ in the body called the pancreas.

-In the pancreas there are cells called the "Islets of Langerhans"

-The Islets of Langerhans produce a hormone called Insulin

(meanwhile)

-A person ingests food.

-The food gets broken down into the simplest form of that food.

-ALL carbohydrates get broken down into glucose.

-Glucose gets absorbed into the bloodstream.

-A hormone-Insulin-helps transport the insulin from the blood stream into the cells.

-Once in the cells, glucose is used to produce energy.

The body produces exactly the right of insulin needed by your body to maintain the correct blood sugar levels.

From here this is about type one diabetes only!

-In some people, for some UNKNOWN, UNPREVENTABLE reason, the body kills off the insulin producing cells.

-This results in a reduction of the insulin being produced.

-Less insulin means more sugar in the blood (a condition known as hyperglycemia-or high blood sugar.)

-High blood sugar means the body is not making proper use of the carbohydrates which are consumed.

-Eventually, the blood sugar creeps up and the person is diagnosed with type one diabetes. 

-The person is put on insulin injections to manage his condition.

(Here is the POINT of all this explaining I just did.)

-THE PERSON WITH DIABETES IS NOT SICK!

-The process we do to maintain normal blood sugar levels is something YOUR body does naturally.

-If our diabetes is well controlled, our blood sugar remains the SAME as someone without diabetes.

-That means we are JUST as healthy as anyone else.

-It is not a matter of taking care of an illness we have, rather, controlling diabetes is a matter of doing manually the things which your body does automatically.

Now do you see why it irks me when people call me sick? I actually think that I am healthier than most people you know. I am more aware of my body, of the way various foods affect me. I know how to take care of myself. I am perfectly healthy and I can do anything that others can do.