My problem with the cookie cutter people (known here as More of the Same, or MOTS), is that they see things in black and white.
She is good. She is bad.
He is smart. He is dumb.
They are frum. They are not.
Why should it be like this?
This girl from my grade met me the other night and told me she has a boy for me. I couldn't be rude, so I resisted my temptation to stick my fingers in my ears and yell "nyah nyah nyah nyah I'm not listening!" Instead I had to smile and say "oh really?" "Yes", she said. "He seems like a really sweet boy" "How do you know him?" I dared to ask. Bad move. "Well, over the yomim tovim I was staying in someone's house and they have a shul in their basement and he was doing construction down there." Am I dreaming? "Not for me, but thanks anyway" (for what???) "Oh, well I think he is a really nice boy and you should think about it." I was really getting upset by then, so I said "Really, that's not the type of boy I am looking for." That was apparently not the answer she was looking for. "Well he really made me think of you. (????) I mean, yes he was wearing jeans but he is still frum and everything!" I decided to end this painful conversation for once and for all. "I am looking for a learning boy, but thanks anyway." Her mouth dropped open at that point. SD looking for a learning boy? But she's so DIFFERENT! Right, I am different, but what does that have to do with anything? I mean, no, I don't want a cookie cutter, MOTS kind of guy. I am looking for a boy who learns because he loves Hashem and His torah and when (if?) he will go out to work he will still live his life around torah. But he will be different than the typical. So why is this weird? Maybe because I didn't care much about school? Maybe because I didn't go to the most academic seminary? Maybe because I am a little different?
Or take my brother for example. He is a great guy with excellent middos. I seriously envy his wife, as he will be the most caring and considerate husband ever. But, he is really a perfect example of MOTS, the kind of person who sees things in black and white.
"Oh, him? He is really modern. He probably can't even read hebrew!"
or "That boy is totally off the derech!" when in reality he is talking about a boy who left his yeshivah to learn in a less intense yeshivah. Is that so bad? Well it aint white so it must be.....
(Answer: The best bochur in Lakewood...)