Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What is Black and White and Red(t) All Over?

My problem with the cookie cutter people (known here as More of the Same, or MOTS), is that they see things in black and white. 
She is good. She is bad.
He is smart. He is dumb.
They are frum. They are not.
Why should it be like this?
This girl from my grade met me the other night and told me she has a boy for me. I couldn't be rude, so I resisted my temptation to stick my fingers in my ears and yell "nyah nyah nyah nyah I'm not listening!" Instead I had to smile and say "oh really?" "Yes", she said. "He seems like a really sweet boy" "How do you know him?" I dared to ask. Bad move. "Well, over the yomim tovim I was staying in someone's house and they have a shul in their basement and he was doing construction down there." Am I dreaming? "Not for me, but thanks anyway" (for what???) "Oh, well I think he is a really nice boy and you should think about it." I was really getting upset by then, so I said "Really, that's not the type of boy I am looking for." That was apparently not the answer she was looking for. "Well he really made me think of you. (????) I mean, yes he was wearing jeans but he is still frum and everything!" I decided to end this painful conversation for once and for all. "I am looking for a learning boy, but thanks anyway." Her mouth dropped open at that point. SD looking for a learning boy? But she's so DIFFERENT! Right, I am different, but what does that have to do with anything? I mean, no, I don't want a cookie cutter, MOTS kind of guy. I am looking for a boy who learns because he loves Hashem and His torah and when (if?) he will go out to work he will still live his life around torah. But he will be different than the typical. So why is this weird? Maybe because I didn't care much about school? Maybe because I didn't go to the most academic seminary? Maybe because I am a little different? 
Or take my brother for example. He is a great guy with excellent middos. I seriously envy his wife, as he will be the most caring and considerate husband ever. But, he is really a perfect example of MOTS, the kind of person who sees things in black and white. 
"Oh, him? He is really modern. He probably can't even read hebrew!"
or "That boy is totally off the derech!" when in reality he is talking about a boy who left his yeshivah to learn in a less intense yeshivah. Is that so bad? Well it aint white so it must be.....

(Answer: The best bochur in Lakewood...)

16 comments:

Zeeskeit said...

Yeh, I love the "modern" or "off the derech" business!

I'm past shidducim and happily married, but still get called for info about others....the questions they ask are NUTS! I hate giving info! "I heard she dresses MODERN..." and more...Puhlease!

little sheep said...

ever notice how many "best bachurim" fakewood has?

personally, i wouldn't want a MOTS boy either...

Something Different said...

zeeskeit-it drives me crazy. I can't deal with peoe who think I am modern just because I am different than them. In fact, I think I am drummer than a lot of these people, just in a different way.

Little sheep, you mean it's not just my sister who goes out with the best boys in Lakewood?? LOL. I think my next post should be about "compromising" is shiduchim. Boy do I hate that term!

little sheep said...

well, i don't really know who else goes out with the best boys in fakewood, (certainly not i!!) but considering the number of best guys there are, i guess a lot of girls do! ;)

Something Different said...

I think it is a case of EBM (everyone but me;). Lol. I'm pretty sure my friends all go out with them. So do we assume this proverbial best bochur is MOTS??

Something Different said...

Oh ye by the way my father totally agrees with you on the fakewood thing. I think there's lots of it there but also some real ones-like the guy I intend to marry.

little sheep said...

basically. except for one. but he's already married!

Something Different said...

I don't get it? :blushing:

little sheep said...

well, that's kinda cuz i only sent half of it...

i was gonna say the best guy in lakewood is already married, he's my brother and you can't have him. but then i thought that maybe it would be taken as me being sarcastic, and referring to...him...even though it's not him. so i left it out. and forgot that the first half makes no sense without the second half, like my picture/poem posts, where each half can't be without the other...

Something Different said...

Wow. It's cool that you respect your brother that much. I have two brothers and I think they are both amazing but I wouldn't want to marry anyone that is anything close to their personalities.
I'll admit I thought you meant....him until I finished reading.

I am so intrigued by your story, and I have so many questions for you. How do I know what I can ask? Can you email me: justablob@gmail.com (even if it's just to tell me that I am a nosey creep and I need to back off)

anon#1 said...

I have a brother like that too. He's shocked by the fact that I don't wear tights!

I love this riddle!

Anyway, good luck with it! May you find each other soon!

Something Different said...

Anon-AMEIN! I always think about that. On rosh hashanah, while I was davening for my bashert, SO WAS HE! It's a weird thought, huh?

sporadicintelligence said...

I seem to have the same probel as you, just because I have a brain and use it (am different) I can't possibly want or appreciate a learning boy...ye...

..and the best boy in Lakewood for the record is my brother. He looks and conducts himself like a black and white guy...but he has me as a sister so he's got the best of both worlds and his head screwed on straight.

Something Different said...

Sounds good! Is he married?

sporadicintelligence said...

Nope, in the freezer....that doesn't stop the entire world calling about him...makes me feel kinda insignificant considering that I'm "on the market" and I'm not going anywhere...but I get first dibs on who he goes out with first.

Something Different said...

Oh I know all about it. I had a brother and a sister on the market at the same time. People were suggesting to my mother that she should only let someone redt a shiduch for my brother if they are redting one for my sister too. (she didn't do that. Lol)