Sometimes, I'm scared to get married. It stands to reason that I'm scared of getting engaged. I've discussed the scary things that happen to a kallah in enough detail already. (ie: the way her brain decomposes, and gets replaced with a tape recorder that plays a continuous "my chosson" narrative.)
But I always thought that the wedding solves that. Being the brilliant strategist that I am, I thought of a plan, even though I am nowhere close to having that problem. (In trying-to-impress-people-with-my-knowledge-ese it's called the refuah lifnei hamakah.)
I'm going to have a short engagement.
Simple, but effective. While I realize that the shorter the engagement, the greater chances I have of becoming a bride-zilla, I don't care. I'd rather have a greater level of suffering and get it over with. (Plus I think I'll be too out of it to care. I pity those around me though.)
But lately, I have been noticing a terrifying phenomenon, one that even a brilliant planner like me has not been able to find a solution to. Simply put, after the wedding, some of my friends don't go back from the 'brido-sapien' to the good ol' homo-sapien that they were before some individual of the male species came along and fried their brain.
It gets worse though. Let me give you an example.
Remember the friend of mine who's normalcy (in my sense, not in the MOTS sense) inspired the post about living your life for the sake of shidduchim? Well, she was a seriously normal kallah, as they come. I mean, sure she talked about her chosson all the time, but at least it was in a human sense, not in a my-chosson-is-the-most-unbelievable-guy-oh-my-gosh-I'm-flipping-out-and-did-you-know-I'm-getting-married-and-look-at-the-ring-my-chosson-gave-me-isn't-it-stunning-and-do-you-wanna-see-pictures-of-my-chosson kind of way.
Best of the evils, I think to myself. Inside, I'm plotting to be a little like her. A 'brido-sapien', but a managable one.
But then...it's not too long after her wedding, and I got a text from her, the newly married gal, and freaked out. Did her phone malfunction? Is her husband, who is equally lovestruck texting for her? I wanted to write something along the lines of "who are you and what have you done to my friend?"
Basically, this is what it said:
":-) hi SD!!!!! :-) I'm thinking of u too! :-) ur so lucky ur there!! :-)"
(This in response to "I'm sitting in [insert name of mutual favorite restaurant] and thinking of you.")
After I blinked, pinched myself, and executed all other steps in proving that it was, in fact, a real text, really written by this friend, I answered, "well u could come join us here too. I'm sure ur husband wouldn't mind". Her response?
":-) haha ur so funny! :-) whats up? :-) how's life? :-)"
I was encouraged by the fact that she had the presence of mind to ask a question, but also scared because that first one obviously wasn't a fluke. So we continued in this vein, meaning, I continued hearing about the awesomeness of married life, laced with liberal quantities of :-)'s, in 160 character tidbits until her husband needed her...or something like that.
But that encounter has left me traumatized. Is that the norm for a girl who's been married about 2 and a half weeks? Is the brain-decomposition something that must take place,whether during the engagement or after? Can someone get the drug companies to work on a pill for this? How can we get our friends back?
Am I the only one who is scared of all this?