Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Top Ten Shidduch Segulos

10) Eating Dates: I know this segulah seems to be rooted in nothing more significant than a play on a word that wasn't around in biblical times. Nonetheless, I saw fit to include the dates, especially those eaten on Rosh Hashana, simply because the rest of the segulahs we know of are probably just as unsubstantiated.

9) A piece of the plate from a tenoyim: I'm not sure if this comes from a disposophobiac or if it seemed cheaper than the others, but it seems pretty harmless. I mean does it make a difference if each of the kallahs friends throws their shard in a different garbage can?

8) Pouring water for people: I don't know where this segulah comes from, but I'm gonna venture two guesses. A- some guy (or gal, the gender is irrelevant) wanted a drink, but was too lazy to pour one. He took advantage of his overly anxious and naive nineteen year old sister. "Hey, Peshy, did you know pouring a drink for someone is a segulah for a shidduch?"
"Seriously? Oh my gosh what drink do you want?"
B is slightly more selfless. I think someone got the idea that Rivka poured water for some dude then got a kallah nosering. Perhaps if I pour water for a dude...
Either way, the mitzvah of helping someone can't hurt, so I am pretty sure this segulah is harmful.

7) The Breslover Books: someone I know actually reads them, but most people I know simply sigh when the dude in the pizza shop promises you a shidduch within forty days if you just read that book...and give him some lose change.

6) Shir Hashirim: I remember splitting shir hashirim with some other girls. Someone we knew was ancient, ahem, 21. She was redt a shidduch on the 40th day. She and him got married in the end, but not to each other.

5) Perek shira: Remember when this came in style? The politics of it pretty much cleared up by now though. Besides, who's gonna complain about a book with such pretty pictures? I dunno what the shidduch angle is though, so feel free to enlighten me.

4)Buy a tallis: Again, this one doesn't make all that much sense. How do you buy a garment for a man you've met only in dreams? I guess murphy's law and segulahs join forces to make sure that as soon as you buy one you'll get engaged to a guy that doesn't fit it.

3) Set a wedding date: this one is just dumb. And leading straight into the border of the non-harmless segulahs. I'm getting married tomorrow night folks, awright?

2) The zeroah from the Seder plate: this is the epitome of the non-harmless segulahs. I know someone who's ultra learned brother read that the zeroah is a segulah for a shidduch. He tried to sew it into the lining of her shabbos robe, I promise. I'd read forty breslover Seforim and set forty wedding dates before I'd even look into the veracity of this one.

1) $$$: Of course, as a family friend of ours likes to say, the best segula for a good shidduch is to be rich!

What segulos have you heard of? Any real basis for these?


kasay said...

The town fool was walking around with glasses frames on his nose (no lenses).
Someome said to him- you know it's not helping you see, right?
Well, he answered, it can't hurt!

That about sums up these segulos.

(But you forgot about davening...)

mekubal said...

Reading Shir HaShirim, is an actual segula, I can provide sources if you like. It is a little more complicated, and from the way I understand it you can't split it, but there you have it.

Mushkie said...

Great post, gave me a good laugh :) I heard a brilliant one just tonight - open umbrellas inside as a segula to get married. But, you ask, isn't that s'posed to be bad? Yeah - says it'll rain at your wedding then :)

In all seriousness, one that I know works is giving chai to tzedaka every day - eighteen cents, one eighty, vatever.

(The word verif is 'activery' - so i guess you should go on dates as well, might help)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, this is not a comment on your post per-se, but on your lack of proper word usage. But it's a comment nonetheless, and you like comments – right?

I usually don’t bother correcting other people’s grammar, as it’s a lost cause, but you seem to be pretty literate, so I’ll try. The word you wanted was loose, not lose, as in loose change. I know it’s really confusing, so the trick is, when you lose something, lose an “o”. When something is loose and all over the place, just shtup in another “o” for fun.

Sorry, I know I’m being rude, and kinda snooty here, but lose and loose are one of my biggest pet peeves, as well as good vs. well.

And btw, another segula for a shidduch or for anything, is to daven for someone else who’s in the same predicament as you :)…I just wrote a post about that. (So now I’m super rude, I corrected you, and shamelessly hawked my own blog :)

Mystery Woman said...

#1 is definitely the best one. Only if you're a girl. Guys don't need that segulah.

Ariella said...

RE #3 I like the idea of Murphy's law kicking in. I once heard an even more absurd suggestion for a man to buy a sheitel in order for his kallah to materialize. I suppose he would pick the hair color he preferred. But, really, even a girl who wants her ring picked out for her still want to select her own sheitel!
Somewhere I saw that (once engaged) washing a tallis was supposed to be a segula for getting the gown. Strange indeed.

Feivel ben Mishael said...

" I guess murphy's law and segulahs join forces to make sure that as soon as you buy one you'll get engaged to a guy that doesn't fit it. "

LOLed at this. It's like bochurim I know who would light cigerettes in order to make the the bus come. (albeit much less expensive, and for something more trivial)

I know someone who b'davka did not read the Breslover kuntreis because they did NOT want to get married in the next forty days.
Either way learning Chassidus is good for you. There is a whole set of books of translated letters of The Lubavitcher Rebbe ZY"A dealing specifically with shidduchim and marriage etc. You can find them here
<a href="http://www.sichosinenglish.org/books/letters-from-the-rebbe.html> Letters from The Rebbe </a>

In Eretz Yisroel I suppose the top segula would be going to Amuka, no?

Something Different said...

Kasay- Davening isnt a segulah...its real.

Mekubal- Please, explain. I'm all ears. Er, eyes.

Mushkie- Lol!

SI- I know the difference between lose and loose. I typed that up on my ipod, mistakes like missed letters are super common. Lose wouldn't have come up in a spell check though because it isn't misspelled.

MW- Lol, true.

Ariella- That is just plain absurd. And funny. ;-)

FBM- I didn't even go there when I was in Eretz Yisroel. I guess I am doomed to everlasting loneliness.

mekubal said...

Essentially the segula is to arise every night at halakhic midnight for forty days and to read(preferably from Klaf) Shir HaShirim in its entirety(every night).

It is cited as being given by Rav Shalom Sharabi(the RaShaSh, one of the greatest all time mekubalim). He states that it the mesirat hanefesh involved. Sources that I know off the top of my head that quote this as an actual segual are:
Or HaShemesh p29
Keter Shem Tov p85

It is also mentioned in Nahar Shalom and Divrei Shalom in the inyanim of Tikkun Chatzot but I don't remember the exact place and don't really feel like looking it up right now.
(They also deal with the forty days at the Kotel, but don't get me started on that one right now).

Bz said...

so I heard that a big gadol was once asked what a segula for parnassah is.

He answered, "Going to work!"

So in that spirit, try the #1 segula - going on a date! :-)

Shades of Grey said...

How could you forget "segulah wine" from sheva brachos at a wedding or one of the meals during the following week!? Isn't that usually #1 on everyone's minds?

Also, I will hazard a guess and say that the pouring water thing probably comes from Rivkah pouring water for Eliezer and his camels - thus demonstrating her shidduch-worthiness for Yitzchak. Likes fore-mothers like descendent-daughters, right?

G6 said...

Shame on you SD -
You just stole my thunder!
I have a pre-scheduled post for this upcoming Friday (hint: It's not up yet because it's a "Food Photo Friday" post) that deals with this very issue. (I'd link it but it's not up yet)
Stay tuned for yet another Shidduch Segulah ;)

G6 said...

Oh, and I must share with Shades of Grey my favorite "segulah wine" joke.

You know, so many eager maidens sip from that one little cup of wine, and there's so much saliva in there, that by the end, the last girl has to make a Shehakol! :D

harry-er than them all said...

I couldn't disagree with #1 more. It may be a segula for a date, but not necessarily for a good shidduch. In fact i know people who are less likely to go out with a girl who's parents are rich because of the other things that come along with it (namely her likely being more difficult to maintain)

The way I heard from the Bostoner Rebbe once, was that segulos in general are when you do something good, whether davening, a mitzvah, etc, and as a "bonus" G-d will throw in something extra in the same subject.

Someone once asked R' Gifter about folding your Tallis after shabbos in front of your wife as a segula for shalom bayis (the logic behind it is that she purchased it for you, so you are showing appreciation) to which he responded that a better segula for shalom bayis is "having breakfast with your wife at least once a week and washing the dishes afterward"

harry-er than them all said...

A segula though which makes sense is a guy who was an older single who tried setting up his previous dates with his friends. He has so far successfully matched up 2 happy couples. I imagine that is a segula for a shidduch

kasay said...

whoops sorry! I meant that the REAL segula, the ONLY segula, is davening .

itsagift said...

Awesome post!

How about the one where at the Pesach seder, you dip your toes into the wine that was poured out from the ten makkkos?

Or saying tehillim hachida? It's a sefer where the entire tehillim is divided by the letter the passuk starts with. When I did it for someone (because someone else tried it and got redt to her chosson on the 40th day so it MUST work for everybody!), I had letter aleph which is soooo long!! (And she's still single. :-/)

Bookworm said...

As BZ said, numero uno is dating.

I don't believe in segulos as a means to itself, but rather the logic behind it that one should be aware of.

The meaning behind the tallis, for instance, or purchasing a sheitel, is that one is so sure Hashem will send you your bashert that you are simply getting a head start on your shopping. That must be the logic behind the wedding date thing, but that's going a bit far.

Shades of Grey said...

G6 - that's hilarious and disgusting! Though I imagine guys will find it funnier than girls.

Do frum girls not know how to share a drinking cup without causing "backwash?"

G6 said...

Shades of Grey -
This joke was told to me in response to a comment I once made at a sheva brochos that the only thing I personally thought this custom was a segula for, was HEPATITIS.....

Brochi said...

I have nothing significant to add except that I love your blog and find many of your posts fun.

Devorah said...

Funny post. And great comments too!

I'm not very big on segulas in general-I think it's important to be a good Jew and work on your middos, daven hard, respect your parents and friends, focus on spiritual growth and once more, keep davening. There's no quick-fixes to your problems, like saying something for a certain amount of times will guarantee that you will see your yeshuah. It would be nice if things worked out that way but then life would be too simple. When things are hard and we DON'T get the things we want, we are forced to look deep inside ourselves and work on becoming better people.

Things happen in the right time-whenever Hashem decides that time should be. We have to do ours-never stop davening and hold on strong!

Devorah said...

There's another segula that wasn't mentioned yet. The kallah gives all her jewelry to a list of friends to wear during her chuppah. There's order of preference too-the diamond ring, of course, is the biggest segulah!

Before my wedding, I checked into it and found that there is no source for this segulah. The kallah is not supposed to wear jewelry at her chuppah because of cheit ha'egel but there's no mitzvah to give it out to friends. I ended up doing it anyway just so that my friends wont feel bad.

Feivel ben Mishael said...

@ itsagift


J.A.P. said...

Two things:

I was at a wedding once where the kallah's gown started falling apart. Literally. She had tufts of tulle just coming off her dress during the dancing. Shoody workmanship, whatever. Anyways, the girls dancing RAN to pick up pieces of her gown deciding it was a HUGE segula to get married.


Second- Dont risk the tallis thing. You have no idea how complicated the whole business is. I had no idea that talleisim can be different from each other but my husband's minhag is to wear a tallis with a BLUE stripe, not a black one. Who would have known that? And do they even sell that here??? He buys his in Israel.

Inspired said...

Devorah- you're reminding me of this incident. I was given jewelery at my friends wedding, uaware of the 'segula'. Somehow during the chuppah I chapped what was happening and felt like throwing it back at them. BTW it's almost 3 yrs now...

-40 woman taking challah. A group of 40 ladies once came together in one house to take challah. Insane to say the least.

Devorah said...

Inspired-why did you feel like throwing it back at them?
(And btw, I like your name!)

Inspired said...

Dev.- To keep it short, I don't like pity, nor do I believe in these segulas... and I was barely 20 then...

grinfish said...

sitting in the kallah's chair is another one.
(was that mentioned yet?)

with all kidding aside...
weddings altogether are a big segulah...
during the chuppah is a great time to daven.

G6 said...

Here's the link to my promised post.
Good Shabbos and Happy Segulos! :D

itsagift said...

You know how they say that if someone opens an umbrella indoors it's gonna rain by their chuppah? So my older brother would always open an umbrella in our house and whenever we'd tell him off he'd say, "at least I know I'll get married!"
(And yeah, he's married by now.)