Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Help Me Help You!

I am getting scared that my greatest fear is soon to come true. Ok, not my real greatest fear, but i am getting nervous that people will expect me to start [sit down-fan self] dating. What a scary thought! Its the combination of my last couple of single friends getting engaged, mixed with the list of boys waiting to date a certain very perfect sister of mine, but either way, I am starting to get a little fidgety.
Until now, when people spoke about dating, I hid under the blanket with a mumbled "I have an older sister". But now I am starting to see this as a bit of a reality. Someone might make me sit in a hotel lounge with a guy for a few hours, and all I will think of to talk about but swirlies!
So the other day, my friend was about to leave for a date when I got a text- "quick! what should we talk about?" I started to wonder. What should they talk about? Honest, I am the last person to know. But I never like to admit that I don't have an answer, so I am asking for your help.

Let's compile a comprehensive list of topics for discussion on dates. Not just any dates, but frum dates. Perhaps we can have a do's and don't's section? Either way, please help me! Either post your topic(s) as a comment, or email them to me. I will put them together in a post which will be linked on my sidebar as a quick reference guide.

Please note:
I am completely serious about this. If I have to I will print this list and stuff it up my sleeves on dates. Please contribute serious topics, humorous topics, and everything in between. If you have (a) topic(s) that you feel are good to discuss on dates, but not for a first or second date, feel free to specify.

Help me help you! :-)


Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

First date is about just learning about each other. It's not long (don't repeat my mistake) and it's about just rumbling about on different topics. Goals, priorities, stories, views and dreams. the main thing is to figure if you're going to meet this guy for another time or you are totally opposite people.

ps. i also have a small write up on shidduch mistakes

nmf #7 said...

You are seriously looking for conversation? Serious topics? Alright, here goes.

First Date: (On the first date, I believe in just making 'conversation'. No heavy topics, nothing on a soapbox, just seeing if you can actually communicate with each other, and if you can tolerate what the other person is saying. That's enough for a first date.)

1.Your summer, his summer.
2.Your teachers, his rabbeim.
3. Your sem/school/college, his yeshiva/college/school.
4. Your family, his family.
5. Israel, politics (Don't get specific or on a soapbox, unless you really feel you must.) news, events, you name it, talk about it.
6. Art, language, music, science, intriguing things, pictures on the wall...

That should be enough for at least 2 hours of just 'conversation'.

Oh, and usually, it's the guy who's stuck with the hard task of finding things to talk about. Your job is just to keep the conversation flowing.

How many brothers and sisters do you have?
I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters. Two of them are older and 3 younger. What about you?
Oh yeah? Really? Here's what I think.)

And so on.
Good luck! And sorry for such a long comment.

humph said...

well first of all it's really the guys who have to come up with what to talk about. but, anyways unless you have something you wanna ask then most probably when you are both sitting there staring at eachother with your silly smiles you will probably forget all those topics you planned.

Staying Afloat said...

I like nmf's #6. I think it's great to just bring up something interesting that you've read/heard/been thinking about. You get to find out how he reacts to new ideas and if he's a good listener.

chanie said...

Talk about books, and tell some odd [funny] story that happened to you.

You could talk about odd halachot and what most people don't learn...you can talk about your brothers' friends' swirlies and see if he's disgusted or thinks that they're a good idea...go to a library instead of a lounge, and you'll have plenty of material to talk about...say, "I know girls aren't supposed to sound educated on a date but I heard this amazing dvar Torah that I'm itching to share..." He'll either tell you that you're allowed to sound educated or take it as a joke or get insulted that you dared say something- and all those are excellent sources of information for you about who he is.

Um...you could also talk about your friend who sent you the text or the dumb keychain you got (show it to him, see what he thinks of it) from F2. :)

Basically, just see if you like being around him. As I heard once, "The first date is an introduction to the first date," because the first date is just to see how you do with being around each other. The second date you can talk about more serious stuff- unless, that is, you're both very intense, very fast-moving daters.

harry-er than them all said...

I have a post on this recently


Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

It's funny because back when I was 17 I had the same question, what do
you talk about on a date. I even asked a fellow blogger that's married, what to talk about on a date. She basically told me that it comes naturally, and if you have silence that's okay too. You actually probably read her book, before she wrote her book, she gave me an abbreviated version of it in a message.

Yehuda said...

First date: If there is a break in the conversation and I have no idea what to say, I mentally always have the following three topics handy: school, job, family. That is vital information and also is often a springboard for discussion.

I don't really know what to ask on second, third, etc. dates.

I suppose if you like a guy, you want to ask him questions that are important to you. Like if you want to know is he is a cheepskate or something like that, think of a way to get into that conversation.

I'm sorry I haven't been too helpful. But again, for the first date, if conversation is not flowing about other matters, ask about school, job, and family. You need to know this stuff eventually anyways.

Looking Forward said...

Oh, and usually, it's the guy who's stuck with the hard task of finding things to talk about.

thats awfuly sexist. lol.

personaly i say if you're not normal, ditch the hotel lounge or supper and go off wondering somewhere towards one of your particular favorite things. its great for conversation and to break the ice.

nmf #7 said...

Looking Forward- well, it's true! Even in today's modern girl age, a guy still usually starts converstion. :D

chanie said...

nmf#7- Funny, I don't recall who started our conversations...

whoever said...

reminds me of a joke i once heard.
a guy's about to go out for the first time, so he asks his friend for topics. his friend tells him to discuss food, family and philosophy.
comes the big night, and:
guy: "do you like pasta?"
girl: "not really, not"
guy: "how many brothers do you have?"
girl: "none"
guy: "if you would have a brother, would he like pasta?"

Something Different said...

I am not going to respond to all comments individually, but I wanted to tell you that I am compiling a list.

I also want ideas for conversation topics on a later date, as per a specific request from a reader. Obviously, I can't help them.

Thanks guys! :-)

harry-er than them all said...

on later dates, a technique i also use is to discuss with the date what does marriage mean to you? What does engagement mean to you, what is required to be engaged or married. its actually helpful in the sense that you lay out what stage you should be holding at, and its understood to each other what they want to feel at those points.