Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Taste of Her Own Medicine

This grocery line is taking forever. Oh, there, two lines over. Isn't that Mrs. Grossman, the high school teacher?
Yes, it is her. Let's hope she doesn't notice me. I don't like her. She is the teacher who almost gave me my only detention in four years of high school. It took all of my charm to wiggle out of that one.

I really don't have time for a confrontation now. She will want to hear what has transpired in the &@%# years since I graduated. I don't feel like discussing it with her. Maybe this lady with the heaping cart will let me go ahead? No, she doesn't look friendly.

Mrs. Grossman is looking around. She's gonna notice me in a minute. Ok, she's looking in my direction. Here we go. Now the glimmer of recognition is on her face. I guess I didn't change much since high school.

"Hi SD!"

Why is she pausing. Oh, I'm getting the look-over. I hope I pass. She's looking down. Oh man. I'm wearing my shortest skirt today. But I lost weight. It falls lower! I know it's long enough, I looked three times in the mirror before I left my house.

She must agree, her eyes are headed back up. To my face. To my eyeliner. It's all BigChamor's fault Mrs. Grossman! She's the one who forces me to wear eyeliner every morning. "It makes your eyes stand out so much more," she had said. But that's exactly what Mrs. Grossman's anti-eyeliner speeches were always about. Making your eyes stand out. C'mon, Mrs. Grossman! My eyeliner isn't that dark!

Ok, she agrees. Her eyes have moved back down. What is it this time? My shoes are aidel. We already established that my skirt is long enough, right?

Ok, that was quick. Eyes are back up to my head. Oh man, how could I forget? My wet hair! Mrs Grossman had a campaign against that too! But Mrs. Grossman, I just came back from the gym. Not showering would be a complete lack of Kovod Habriyos, and you waged a war against people who were lacking in that front too, right? See, I'm really being GOOD Mrs. Grossman!

Finally, she's talking again.
"How are you?"

"Baruch Hashem, I'm doing good."

Big smile. Keep it there. Smile bigger. I said Baruch Hashem, see, I'm good Mrs. Grossman. Can I finish paying and go now?

She looks like she is trying to think of a way to continue this conversation. I better get ahead of her. Ok, I can sign the credit card slip. Slowly. Think of a strategy. Ok, that might work. Pick head up high. Walk past her lane, toward door.

She is finished putting the groceries on the belt. Do it, now, before you lose your courage!

"Goodbye Mrs. Grossman."

She is looking up. Now. Do it. Look down. Scrutinize her shoes. Yes, they are the same shoes she wore in tenth grade. Now up. Look at her sheitel. Wow. She changed it. It looks like she finally caught up to the style she missed in tenth grade. Now back down. And up, one more time.

"Have a good day!"

Make grand escape, now. Ignore Mrs. Grossman's trademark "look" that is probably fixed on my back.

13 comments:

thinking out loud said...

Awesome post!!!
just wondering... if you really didn't adhere to some rules, would she actually come up to you in the store and tell you about it?

tesyaa said...

"Baruch Hashem, I'm doing good."

She didn't correct your grammar?

itsagift said...

Hmmmm...That was funny!
Glad you passed inspection!

Why is it that we always feel self-conscious when meeting teachers after high school, even though we know we are dressed okay? If we are fine with the way we look, we should feel confident and not feel like we want to run in the opposite direction when we meet a teacher from school, no?!

BigChamor21 said...

This was a really good post. And I am so proud that you are wearing eyeliner (and youre right--you dont wear too much that it would become a tznius issue)
I remember giving my high school chumash teacher the "inspection" while she was going on and on about how I should study and pay attention blah blah...huuuge pompom on her hat...ugly plaid maternity outfit...dark beige tights...practically sas shoes. (She never called me over again)

G6 said...

"I'm wearing my shortest skirt today. But I lost weight. It falls lower!"

LOL!! I can totally relate. I always say (to the kind of people who will understand, mind you - - - NOT ex-BY teachers...), "my skirt isn't too short... my behind is too big!"

:D

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

Looks like she has really made you scared of her back in HS days... What a trauma!

Bz said...

I welcome "inspection" from my old high school teachers. I challenge em to try saying something... boy will they get a response they don't expect. Of course in my case as a guy it will be my lack of black and white or a velvet kipa (or a black hat). But frankly, these things don't define a good jew, and if they want to open that can of worms... i will make them eat it.

Basically its like a curiosity... can I get them to make that stupid mistake and have my "fun." :-)

inkstainedhands said...

Good for you!

You must have had a good laugh over that afterwards.

Mikeinmidwood said...

I have the same feeling when I meet an old Rebbi of mine and iIam wearing a blue or any non-white shirt

Lon said...

Nice. I get that feeling too whenever I meet a high school teacher. "Oops, how did I dress today? Shoot, my skirt reaches my ankle... She must think I've gone 'off the derech'."

Something Different said...

TOL- I don't think this particular teacher would have, but my older sister once met a former high school teacher of hers who told her that her neck is too low. It wasn't low at all, FYI.

Tesyaa- Lol, nope. Perhaps if I had said it in hebrew, she would have corrected my dikduk. ;-)

IAG- I do feel confident that I dress fine. I think it's just the way this teacher looks at you. :-/

BC21- So I got an A? You should be proud about the eye liner. I wear it daily. :-) And LOL about your chumash teacher. I can picture her in my mind, without having seen her...

G6- No, your behind isn't too big either, the cleaners shrunk it! ;-)

BTS- No, she really didn't scare me. I simply despised her.

BZ- I don't mind the inspection, I just can't deal with this lady. She was the kind of teacher who thought she was the best teacher in all of high school. She wasn't.

ISH- Well, not really. I was too busy writing a blog post. ;-)

MIM- Do they also give you the lookover?

Lon- Oy, ah shanda! Till the ankle??

Anonymous said...

Loved it! Kind of mean of her to analyze you looking for negative stuff apparently, when you've already graduated and aren't her student anymore.

Like how you did it right back at her, some people think that just b/c they are your elders they can be as disrespectful as they want and expect the highest respect....

Something Different said...

Anon- I think her philosophy is- "once my student always my student." Cept, I don't think I was ever really her student. :-P