Thursday, January 7, 2010

Reconnecting With an Old Friend

I am not really sure why I never published this, cuz I wrote it months ago, and I am not sure how applicable it is now, but in any case, here you go:

It wasn't long after the wedding of one of my closest friends, that I found myself on the phone with an old friend, someone I hadn't spoken with much in the couple of months prior to that.

We had an interesting dialogue:

Friend: I was expecting you to call one of these days!
SD: you were?
Friend: yes. Now that [insert name of close friend here] got married, I figures you'd be bored...ya know.
SD: well, erm, I guess I am but... [feels uneasy]
Friend: but what?
SD: but I guess it's a little cheesy. I mean, the minute my friend gets married I should go and remember about all the friends I've lost contact with over the years?
Friend: sure, why not? Isn't that the way everyone does it?
SD: but that's so see-through!

We went on to discuss the pros and cons of this, and came to the conclusion that faking it is not a good idea either. Face it, your friend has gotten married, that's not quite a secret. And unless your friendship was a secret, people are going to realize that the person who you spent a lot of your free time with, the person with whom you used to speak multiple times each day, is now spending her time with some guy that she barely knows. No matter what brilliant excuse you might drum up to reconnect with old friends, she will see through the whole thing.

And so, we came to the joint conclusion that it's best to be upfront about the whole thing. "Hi Devorah! We haven't spoken in ages, but I was wondering if you wanted to get together one of these days?"

It might sound ridiculous, but remember, your friend, assuming she is your age, is also watching many of her friends and acquaintances tie the knot, and needs your company now too.

So I've been reconnecting with some old friends, reconnecting with those that are married long enough, (Humph, that's for you!) and getting to know some new people. But I wonder what other people's take on this is. If you've been through this phase, how did you deal with it? Did you think it was a little transparent when your old friends reconnected with you after close friend's weddings? Did you do it to others? Do you find it insulting? Or more of a relief?


Anonymous said...

I've "reconnected" with people I was never really friends with before. I haven't really lost touch with most of my married friends, but single friends are SO much more convenient, and since I am a different person than I was in high school, I've become friends with past "classmates". You can never have too many friends, right?


harry-er than them all said...

i think it is nice, and i do too reconnect with old friends when need them. You never know if you will be in it for the long haul, so might as well build a support network/social group now, so that they will be with you the whole way through. Plus they will too be happy with you when its your turn, and you will hopefully remember why they became such good friends with you in the first place, and be sensitive to that.

Something Different said...

Anon- never. ;-) (btw, do I know you? chan? [scratches head])

HTTA- planning ahead, huh?

harry-er than them all said...

yea, why not? you don't know what how long and what hashem has in store for you, may as well pick up a good friend